I was working on a fanfiction about my OCs but it’s too long for the forums so I canceled it
Here’s a collection of snippets
[ZYGODACTYL] in summation “henlo smol beans pls help me usurp the throne xD”
[MERMAID] 4 some reason I feel slighted
[MERMAID] o wait
[ZYGODACTYL] Fallen i’d draw ninety thousand gazillion winky faces at that but my talons are beleaguered
[MERMAID] derp :3c
From the desk of Spitfire the SkyWing, Departmental Director—
Hello, President Yogurt Container! Oh, should I not address you like that? How about, “Wassup, girlfriend?”
But she’s the face of this company, so she smiles, and when she speaks her voice is up a whole octave. Whatever an octave is.
[SPITFIRE] Are you Her Majesty Princess Harpyja?
[HARPYJA, ENCUMBERED WITH A VOICE SO HIGH IT MAKES SPITFIRE SOUND LIKE THE SURLIEST BARITONE YOU WILL EVER MEET] Actually, it’s Your Highness. At least while I’m a princess.
Spitfire is two heads taller than Harypyja. She takes a moment to reel over having to call someone shorter than herself – actually, someone, anyone other than herself – “Your Highness.”
- Then she cackled. I don’t think of myself as judgmental, but it was clearly practiced, and let’s just say…well, maybe she should put in a few more hours for her degree of maniacal arts.
- Bird allusions are a plus, but very specific ones; she doesn’t want anyone else named after a bird to duck in and be queen.
- PUN NOT INTENDED, I SWEAR TO THE MOONS.
Excerpted from “A Noob’s Guide to Your Shiny New Career At The League of Intelligent Espionage Schemes” by Spitfire of the SkyWings, Chapter Nine: “The History of The League of Intelligent Espionage Schemes”
Yogurt Container, president of the RainWings and of yogurt-related products (she, of course, being the “inventor”, if you consider letting milk spoil and then eating it “inventing”), possessed a vested interest in fate and destiny. This author notes that it’s probably because she thinks if she learns enough about fate and destiny she’ll somehow be able to control it, and if she can control it, she can make it so her dragonet never got separated from her. (This author has no idea why anyone would think losing your dragonet is a big deal. If it were me, I’d be all like, “aw yisss I finally have freedom again!”) (This author also cries whenever she thinks of a good tagline for a scroll, so you should take this author’s opinions with a grain of salt.) (If you don’t have a grain of salt on you, just ask the author. She’s in an abundance.)
[FLICK] Spitfire is in her office writing something down on a scroll. The walls of her office are plastered with drawings of her favorite fictional characters, which I can never keep track of. Nobody wears capes all the time, or weird little hats, or giant robot suits. It’s distracting. I don’t understand it. I don’t want to understand it.
[SPITFIRE] It’s classic literature, Ziggy. I’m not just trollfics and stories I wrote in the middle of the night after an evening of raucous partygoing.
[ZYGODACTYL] Why do you go to raucous parties anyway? Isn’t it against your aesthetic?
[SPITFIRE] Well, I love seven-layer bean dip.
To my dearest co-conspirator, and friend, Sobriquet, for whom the darkness of my soul is as bright as the future we as one set our gazes upon, in due harmony,
(the rest is a letter that conveys a lot of plot information)
Anyway, just wrote in to tell you that the plan is in motion. I’ve gotten the ball rolling. Soon ALL of Pyrrhia will cower at my villainy! Mwahahahahahaha! (By the way, I promise I’m getting better. I’m doing the breathing technique you told me to do. It works, I think, but it takes forever. Is there a turbo-breathing exercise or something?)
Your co-conspirator, Harpyja (soon to be ARCHVILLAINESS HARPYJA OF THE MEWLING RAINWING MASSES)
[SPITFIRE] Three moons, Shiny, we’re in the foredooming business, not the forecasting business. Get out of here.
[FLICK] He's like what would happen if you took a bunch of garbage and you sculpted it into a handsome dragon not quite handsome enough to write home about, and then you gave it a fake accent it can’t quite keep track of.
[GRAUPEL] Who’s Sweal?
[MERMAID] Is that, like, a swag seal?
[GRAUPEL] That was my nickname in school.
[MERMAID] Oh. That’s, like, really sad. I’ll start calling you swag sweal! No, swig swool—no, that’s even worse. Swahg swoot. How did I do this the first time?
[SPITFIRE] SkyWing solidarity. We stick together like feathers on a bird.
[ZYGODACTYL] A moulting bird, maybe.
[SPITFIRE] Excuse me, Mr. BFF, what was that?
[ZYGODACTYL] Who, me?
[MERMAID] Who! Like hoo! Like an owl noise! Like a bird! That’s, like, craaaazy-smart thinking!
[SPITFIRE] For the good of dragonkind, might I add.
[DOOMSLAYER] What good have you ever done for the good of dragonkind?
[ZYGODACTYL] She’s effectively quelled your confidence, thereby saving the future generations from having to suffer with any more of your genetic line.
[GRAUPEL] Why do they call you ZYG-odactyl and not ZING-odactyl?
[ZYGODACTYL] Good one!
They both laugh. Doomslayer looks straight into the camera like he is dying inside.
[SPITFIRE] Ziggy, for the sake of the moons, you’re a dragon not a teakettle. Anyway, here’s where my master plan comes in. Instead of the League of Intelligent Espionage Schemes, we become…
She whips a giant scroll out of her wing and unfurls it one expertise motion, but it’s a giant scroll and a small room, so the other end hits Graupel in the head, falls on top of Mermaid and Shiny, and gets caught on Scarredthoughts’ wing.
[SAGACITY] The Lactose Intolerant Embassy of Subwhat?
[SPITFIRE] Of Subversives.
[FALLEN] Lactose intolerant?
[SPITFIRE] Because of Yogurt Container. It’s a joke.
[DOOMSLAYER] It is?
[SAGACITY] It’s just bad.
SUBJECT: DRAMATIS PERSONÆ
AUTHOR: REGIONAL MANAGER SPITFIRE SKW
RECIPIENT: PROPHECY CONSULTANT DOOMSLAYER NW
- oh sweaty :))
- you wish :))
- hey there, sweet flaming saliva, spicy like hte memes
- I wrote you a love note
- lol you wiIIIIIISH I wrote you a plan for regicide
- viva la harpyja hon hon hon
(these aren't arranged in any logical narrative btw)
(this is.....so good......i can't believe i canceled this)