If you don't want to hear problems that mostly don't concern you, please get out right now. I need to rant. 

 

First of all, everything started on Friday. I packed a bag to bring to my dad's house for the weekend. I brought clothes, one of my phone chargers, my earbuds and my laptop charger. I forgot the bag at school. I grabbed clothes from my mom's house, but my laptop is dead now and I can't charge it. I'm hoping I can retrieve the charger tomorrow and charge it during first period, but I don't know if I'll be able to, and then I'm dead. Also, I messed around on the forums and dA with my laptop time instead of finishing my music project or studying for French. The music project is due on Tuesday of this week, and I always finish projects on the day they're assigned: except this one. The forums finally got to me, and now I'm a mess. My French test is tomorrow, and my French teacher is known for giving extremely difficult tests. I'm convinced I'll fail, even though I've never gotten below a 90 on a French test. Then I left my phone at my dad's house, so I can't text my friends. You guys are the only people I have. 

 

Second, I'm afraid. Not just because of everything that happened in the above paragraph. Because of my depression. Sometimes it just... goes away. And that's what scares me. I've been depressed for about two years. Anger and sadness and fake smiles and automatic laughter is all I've ever really known. When the depression goes away, I'm not happy. I don't feel anything. Anything at all. Depression is all I've known. To me, it's a huge part of my identity. It's what causes me to be sarcastic in real life. For it to leave, I feel like I've lost all knowing of what I am, of where I'm supposed to be in life. At least with my depression, I knew where I stood, and that was on the bottom, and it was something to be proud of. Without depression, I'm just confused. I lost my happiness and humor and optimism a while ago, and all that was left was my sadness and anger, and I held on to it, and now I feel like it's slipping away, like I'm becoming a heartless, feeling-less shell of a human. At least with my depression I knew I could feel something. Now I'm just... truly dead inside.

 

I'm not asking for help, because I know you can't help me. All I want is help, real help, but nobody can give it to me. I wonder if a therapist or something would help. Someone I know is depressed and they take pills for it. Should I be on pills? But if my depression went away, would I feel anything?

 

I'm confused...

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[Nightmare]

I'm fine. Are you?

 

Daily Song Quote"i've done all i can think of, chased down all my demons" -pink

About the project...Is there no other way you can do it? Can you do it by hand? (Idk, it's a project so I don't really know how I can help much...)

As for French, you can study using whatever you're using now if you know what's going to be on the test, or ask a French-speaker/learner on the forums for help. 

And when the sadness and anger go away...that's still depression. My depression varies; sometimes I'm just horribly sad and hurting, sometimes I'm overwhelmed, and sometimes I'm numb. I feel different, but it's all still depression. What pills do is they give you more of the neurotransmitters you need - usually serotonin - which will make you feel happier, not numb. I haven't done research on this bit of pills yet, but I'm afraid that some people, who either have really horrible depression and really want to get out, or who are easily addicted to things, will quickly become dependent on/addicted to pills and will experience withdrawal if they try to stop...

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Banana was here :|

Hey, Puppy!

Don't go, Arienne...

#StopTheFlame

#RememberTheLost

"You can be that

Somebody's someone,

Somehow, someday..."

~Call me Laurel~

Defender of the World

||-//

w y o m i n g

I understand.

 

I think that's all I can say: that I understand and I'm here for you if you ever need a shoulder to lean on.

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eventide/spectral

she/heand they/them

and we're powered by every tear that's dried

Tbh I think a therapist would help. But I'm terribke at emotional support so... er....

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calytrix~

 

you could call me caly too, i guess

bisexual

kind of like if tony stark and loki had a child 

hates turtles 

slytherin//entp

you know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start, so dance alone to the beat of your heart

 

Try to use whatever time you have to study and finish the project.

 

Then, for your depression, try doing things that you enjoy and listen to music. Or maybe bake. And then give the cookies to your fam.

 

I'm bad at this.

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when fear creeps up your spine

 

start writing

 

shake it off

 

word by word

 

and look at the splinters of fear on the ground

 

shining like broken glass

 

 

insanity

 

i'm all inside your head anyway

I'm sure your teacher will give you an extension if you say that your computer died.

 

As for the depression. The pills will only temporarily make you feel better but if the depression has gone away, then don't take them. A professional therapist will help if you need it.

Your "mask" was built around your depression. Try finding things that truly make you happy like hobbies or people.

I don't know if this helps but I use my imagination to bring myself into another world like Hogwarts and sort of tune out real life.

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    Iris ~

     {Iris}

 

 

Patron Goddess, Artemis 

Daughter of Apollo ( Roman)

Gryffindor 5th year 

Sagittarius ~ The Archer

INTJ ~ The Mastermind 

IceWing/NightWing

That weird  Tumblr Admin

 

Some spots just won't come off

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, I managed to survive today. My math teacher was nice enough to lend me her charger at school. I'm pretty sure I got a lot of stuff wrong on my French test, but I'm crossing my fingers that I guessed right. I'll study a LOT tonight. My music project is due tomorrow, so I'm finishing it up today. yay

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[Nightmare]

I'm fine. Are you?

 

Daily Song Quote"i've done all i can think of, chased down all my demons" -pink

 Nice!

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    Iris ~

     {Iris}

 

 

Patron Goddess, Artemis 

Daughter of Apollo ( Roman)

Gryffindor 5th year 

Sagittarius ~ The Archer

INTJ ~ The Mastermind 

IceWing/NightWing

That weird  Tumblr Admin

 

Some spots just won't come off

 

 

 

 

 

 

just gonna post life updates here now.

 

MUSIC PROJECT: turns out i didn't even present today but my project is done so that's good

FRENCH TEST: today's part of the test went well, in my opinion. better than yesterday at least

LAPTOP: Currently 64% battery. Found my charger and all is well.

REST OF LIFE: Tomorrow we're going to the Boston Museum of Fine Arts, which we went to last year. No homework, which is cool, and no classes, but it's really boring tbh. I just realized that when we had that trip before, I was still new and I posted about it.. :') memories

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[Nightmare]

I'm fine. Are you?

 

Daily Song Quote"i've done all i can think of, chased down all my demons" -pink

FIELD TRIP: it was really boring as i predicted but i didn't feel super depressed today so that's good :) plus no classes and no homework!!

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[Nightmare]

I'm fine. Are you?

 

Daily Song Quote"i've done all i can think of, chased down all my demons" -pink