SOOO..... I'm looking for feedback on a wings of fire fanfic that I'm writing. So far here are the main chars....

 

 

ORACLE- a with the powers of prophecy and MINDREADING. Female. Shy and secretive, but yet brave. Hatched under two full moons.

TYPHOON- a male sea wing with a body that is blue and  splotched green teal and aquamarine. His father wants him to be a royal guard for coral but Typhoon doesn't want too. He is an animus.

SAHARA- a female with a sharp tongue. Her tail is millions of times more deadly than her tribemates. 

SNOWDUST- a six-way hybrid of Ice Night rain sand sea and sky (Ice Night and Rain show up more). She has powers unlike any other and is an animus and hatched under three full moons. She has a power called frostscales, which is like peril's FIRESCALES but with ice.

BENGAL- a stubborn male RainWing who is searching for the parents who've abandoned him long ago when he hatched. 

BRACKEN- a male MudWing who is searching for his own sister since she was kidnapped and he is trying to solve the mystery of his parents death,

 

 

THANKS FOR ANY FEEDBACK! ANY QUESTIONS AND ADVICE GREATLY APPRECIATED. TITLE IDEAS TOO.

current title in progress: The Second Dragonets of Destiny.

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

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crackles here

Helloooo let me try 

 

I'm sorry if I offend you by any of these points, I'm going to try to look through the characters

 

Oracle:the way Oracle seems now, she feels very similar to Moon. It would probably be best to add some more faults other than "shy" and perhaps some personality quirks, such as "she's narcoleptic" or "she can be snarky around friends" People already accuse Moon of being a Mary-Sue, so when making your fanfic, forumers might say something similar. I love her name though :D

 

Typhoon: I think theres nothing wrong in particular. However, the Animus heritage seems to only be in the royal family, so maybe you can include some sort of scandal or elopement in his backstory. Like, maybe his parents/grandparents had an affair without the Queen's knowledge, and to redeem himself and his family honor (or something like that) the Queen wants him to be a royal guard.

 

Sahara: I'm guessing the premise for her character is that she has a special power, right? I'm not sure just increasing the deadliness of the barb would do much, considering most Sandwings stab through the heart and kill their opponent in one go anyway. Or is it like "venomscales" where anything that touches the barb will shrivel up/melt? Also, what is her "story"? Most of the time, a dragon with a special power is an outcast in their tribe. Not saying you should do it, but I'm curious as to her story.

 

Snowdust: Snowdust seems a bit overpowered and unlikely (the six-way hybrid part and stuff), unless you meant it to be that way. It could be interesting, where we have a character who has so much power and is so arrogant because of it, but somehow loses in the end and learns valuable life lessons

 

Bengal: It seems kinda strange to say his parents "abandoned" him, considering Rainwings don't have "parents". Maybe he's a rare case of Rainwing that wants to find his parents, but the rest of the tribe doesn't care and he grows upset. I'm guessing he'd be somewhat of an outcast, since Rainwings isolate dragons that act differently.

 

Bracken: I don't have much to say, because we actually don't know much about Mudwings, and what we do know lines up with Bracken's story. We know that siblings are the most important to Mudwings, so it makes sense for him to look for his sister. Maybe decide on who kidnapped his sister, and why that person would do that. Maybe it was someone trying to draw out the dragonets of destiny (since that seems that's what you're going for) 

 

so  those are the characters you out in the post. Here are some questions:

 

1. What are the dragonets trying to stop

2. If it's a war, what are the allegiances?

3. How do the dragonets meet? From what I see, the stories are different and they weren't gathered from their eggs.

4. Who's the antagonist? I feel like Snowdust could be a good "initial villain that comes back after character development"

5. Is there a prophecy? If yes, have you decided on the lines?

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|| ENCHANTED ||

A secret place for me and you

Where everyday was fun and new

A simple time played in our heads

Well tell this story again

Refreshing, isnt it?

Lets breathe the air, try not to cry

Its time to say our goodbyes

Thxs so much! Snowdust is supposed to be that way...yes....and I do have a prophecy written down somewhere in my millions of fanfic papers....ill post it later today. I will change Oracle somehow, maybe by adding a more reckless personality orsomething (this is like my second fanficM for WOF).Bengal is on the more intelligent side of the rain wings and wants his tribe to take more responsibility (yes,even after glory arrived). I have it as he knew his parents at some point in his life..as a hatchling.... But they disappeared. I have similar situations for bracken and Bengal so they can help each other search...or I hope.  Back to Oracle, I think I'll put her....you know what? I need ideas for that too. I haven't explored much with Sahara...a friend recommended the sharp tongue point. I know Sahara is pretty active and her sting can stab anywhere a kill in seconds. It's like she has a dragon bite viper for a tail Snowdust is my OC and as powerful as she may seem, she is struggling with her mysterious past....more on that later. Snowdust does have a brother and sister. Her mother and father were hybrids too. The powers she has are due to the prophecy I have. I do have a backstory for Typhoon written down too. (I'm just jumping around here) Snowdust's fatal flaw is personal loyalties. I'll use your suggestion with Bracken somehow but these events take place about a decade or two after the events in the Brightest Night. Bengal is not an outcast as it may seem....Typhoon is more of an outcast...... Bengal just wants answers even though his tribe seems to know something. The Dragonets do not know that they are the subjects of the prophecy yet. They will soon. I, working on introducing them right now. They all met at Jade Mountain or will meet. Snowdust may be a Villian at some point but right know the Villian is a cloud-like evil dragon (he's explained in the PROLOUGE) I have decided on prophecy lines too. Thanks Enchanted!

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

I also forgot to add a character to the main character list...

 

ASH- a female SkyWing princess who has an unusual and mysterious ring of silver scales around her tail. She is one of the daughters of Queen Ruby and is one of the younger princesses. She wants to be queen but her older sisters (Spitfire and Hematite) tease her for it. Her other siblings-Saturn, Dawnbreak, and Ember (and possibly one more) don't tease her as much (Ember doesn't do it at all). Saturn Dawnbreak, and the one I can't remember only do it when Spitfire or Hematite is around. If you know my little pony then Ash is like rainbow dash...kinda. Ash wants to prove herself and become queen. 

"Ash knew she could be Queen. No, she would be Queen."

(that was a line in the fanfic... It's on note book paper right know)

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

If you would like to see your OC in this fanfic (no guarantees) then please put your OC and description.

 

sample form:

Name:

Tribe:

Gender:

Dragonet or adult or hatchling?:

Colors:

Description:

Other:

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

Ok! Im looking at Ash, she seems fine! Any ideas on her personality though? 

 

I hope you you have a fun time writing this out :)

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|| ENCHANTED ||

A secret place for me and you

Where everyday was fun and new

A simple time played in our heads

Well tell this story again

Refreshing, isnt it?

Lets breathe the air, try not to cry

Its time to say our goodbyes

I am having so much fun of course enchanted! I have a half-short-chapter about her written down. I'll post it in time lol. I think Ash is one of my favorite main characters along with Snowdust and Typhoon. Ash is like the promising younger sister technically. I think Queen Ruby has a future for her...queen or not. Ember doesn't want to be queen but wants to be part of a flying team with her friend Agility. She is eager and stubborn to prove herself...that's about as much as I can say about her.

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

I need some name ideas too.... 

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

Name ideas for what kind of dragons? I can try to suggest some

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|| ENCHANTED ||

A secret place for me and you

Where everyday was fun and new

A simple time played in our heads

Well tell this story again

Refreshing, isnt it?

Lets breathe the air, try not to cry

Its time to say our goodbyes

Any dragons really enchanted.., I mean there is a 50 percent chance that I will already have it down somewhere...

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

Sandwing names: Hyena, Pharaoh

 

Seawing names: Marlin, Jet

 

Rainwing: Hibiscus, Rafflesia (for a more grumpy, evil, violent Rainwing)

 

Mudwing: Mudskipper, Spoonbill

 

Icewing: Frigid, Teton

 

Nightwing: Swordbreaker, Whiplash

 

Skywing: Granite, Shikra

 

 

 

 

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|| ENCHANTED ||

A secret place for me and you

Where everyday was fun and new

A simple time played in our heads

Well tell this story again

Refreshing, isnt it?

Lets breathe the air, try not to cry

Its time to say our goodbyes

Name: Shikra
Tribe: Skywing
Gender: Female
Dragonet or adult or hatchling?: Adult
Colors: Her scales are orange, her underbelly is peach, and her eyes are golden yellow. 
Description: She's kinda cranky, but tries not to directly insult and be malicious. She could be a soldier in the palace and appear in Ash's story. She's a fighter, not a strategist.
Other: N/A

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|| ENCHANTED ||

A secret place for me and you

Where everyday was fun and new

A simple time played in our heads

Well tell this story again

Refreshing, isnt it?

Lets breathe the air, try not to cry

Its time to say our goodbyes

I've already listed the names Jet,Hibiscus, Frigid, and Granite......just different tribes for granite and jet. I'll find someway to work your OC into the story

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

I may post the PROLOUGE tomorrow......one of the main chars in the PROLOUGE is moon but only to recite the prophecy

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Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

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crackles here

Winter, Moon, and a mysterious but main character dragon are the main chars and the PoV in the PROLOUGE. I'll also "release" chapter one tomorrow which is about Typhoon and ash 

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

Alright then! Good luck!

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|| ENCHANTED ||

A secret place for me and you

Where everyday was fun and new

A simple time played in our heads

Well tell this story again

Refreshing, isnt it?

Lets breathe the air, try not to cry

Its time to say our goodbyes

PRE PROLOUGE

 

A NIGHTWING BORN ON TWO FULL MOONS

A SEAWING UNLIKE THE REST

A SKYWING OUT TO PROBE HERSELF

A MUDWING HATCHED AT THE EDGE AT THE RAINFOREST

A RAINWING SEEKING THE POSSIBLE PARENTS WHO'VE ABANDONED HIM AND DIED

A SANDWING FASTER AND MORE VENOMOUS THAN HER TRIBEMATES

 

AND A SIX-WAY HYBRID BORN ON ONE OF THE BRIGHTEST NIGHTS WITH SOME OF THE GREATEST POWERS ANY LIVING DRAGON HAS EVER SEEN.

 

 

THE DRAGONETS OF THE SECOND DRAGONET PROPHECY HAVE ARRIVED

 

AT JADE MOUNTAIN!

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

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#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

CAPS LOOOOOOOCK

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wild/spades

joined july 2nd, 2016

 

approximate star count: 5400

 

don't let the memories of this place die

I'm going to post prolougeanf chapter one tomorrow or later today...I'm a little behind schedule and chapter two isn't even close to being done

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Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

I think, that a 6 way hybrid would end up badly, like missing a organ or limb. Maybe some tribes are more likely to get diseases, and mixing tribes like that together would result in a very sick dragon. You could maybe say that Snowdust has no wings or missing a leg, and missing a lung, stuff like that would make Snowdust more reasonable.

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d.y.n.a.s.t.y

 

he_him

transgender/human

it is revolutionary for any trans person to choose to be seen and visible in a world that tells us we should not exist

 

if I could burn this town

i wouldn’t hesitate

to smile while you suffocate and die

There is a reason for Snowdust....she is my OC......Snowdust is not technically a six way hybrid but has six tribes in her history...

 

MOTHER (name chosen but to be released soon): SAND, NIGHT, SEA, AND RAIN

FATHER (name chosen but to be released soon): ICE SKY RAIN NIGHT

 

 

Snowdust only shows ICEWING NightWing RainWing and SandWing on her....

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

PROLOUGE PART ONE OF PART ONE OF THE PROLOIGE (I'm not worrying about grammar aND ELA here SOOO...)

 

 

Six years ago....

 

 

The ICEWING palace was falling, falling, falling. 

Winter watched as it crashed and shattered to a billion, no a zillion shards. All of the IceWings gasped as the ex-home of the ICEWING royal family (including winter) was destroyed. 

"No" winter whispered.

A dark shadow, like a cloud, covered the sun. Dark gray and black wisps floated toward the IceWings from the cloud.

 

 

 

(shoot....I have to go to bed...continue tomorrow.)

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

I'll finish posting the PROLOUGE by the end of the week,...I'm busy with the Fourth of July and everything right now.

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Alpha Snowdust

the Ice/Sand/Night/HiveWing 

 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here

I'm putting another forum for the story

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i am...

Alpha Snowdust

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 #BiPride

 #RememberHurricane

#RememberChristainPegasister

crackles here