Small rant about identity and insecurity woo
Yesterday one of my classmates whom I consider an acquaintance walked up to me and said "Hey I didn''t know you were a boy now. [Other friend who I trust with my life] told me. Why didn' you say anything?"
I can't remember how I replied but I remember feeling really really nervous. the entire room was full of people and I had one of those "being in the company of people you have and havent come out to at the same time" moments. Not that i don't want to come out sometime but not right now. Mostly because god forbid my parents knowing how many people I've told since they don't really understand what's going on. And I can't even explain why to them because it's really hard to explain this feeling and I don't want to be shot out of the sky a fifth time.
Not to mention that where I live isn't friendly to lgbtq ppl, and why couldn't I have lived somewhere less hostile? Why coudlnt I have been different from the start
Why is this hard
But now I remember that all of this is a process and I'm still figuring everything out and TAKE THAT UNIVERSE -- YOU HAVEN'T BROKEN ME YET.
There may be a part two to this later but this is all I could rememer of my internal rant from last night.