Coffee shop employee: What can I get you today?
Orphos: The souls of the innocent.
Orphos: I said, the souls of the guilty from the Underworld.
Employee: Sir, this is a coffee shop.
Orphos: Sorry, I’ll have black coffee mixed with hard alcohol then, and a touch of whipped cream on the top.
Ishmael: Sorry, he hasn’t slept since Wednesday... of last month
Orphos: I couldn’t do my homework, because I had a busy weekend and I was sick.
Silverskies, the underpaid teacher: Yeah? Well, I had a busy weekend, and I was sick, and I still managed to get all my work done even though I have ten times more than you. What’s your excuse?
Entire class: *yelling OH SNAP in their heads*
New Deity: You know, your daughter Bliss, is doing really well considering her dad.
Orphos: You know, she’s not really my daughter....
ND: Well, she must be, what other child would be able to stand you?
Orphos: All right, hands up if you thought Bliss was my daughter.
Aria, Ishmael, Eglantine, pretty much everyone: *raises hand*
Orphos: ...Bliss, put your hand down.
(A conversation that actually happened today with one of my friends turned paraphrased incorrect quote)
Toffee, cold: *drapes self over Aria* Am I cold?
Aria: Yeah, a little.
Toffee: You’re warm. You’re like, a heater or something.
Aria: Yeah, like Baymax!
Toffee: Except you’re not so puffy!
Aria: *tugs on puffy vest* Well, the vest is puffy enough! *Baymax voice* Hi, I’m... Ariamax, your personal... warmcare companion.
Ishmael: You know, there are so many things that everyone just accepts even though they’re wrong.
Ishmael: Things are never on fire, fire is on things.
Aria, getting up: I need to go take some time to rethink life.
Orphos, into presumably a phone: I don’t care, Mel. I don’t care, Mel! *holds up phone to reveal its a thing of caramel* Caramel? Haha I need friends.
Aria, to a spider: Mr Spider
Aria: Why was it funny to bite me?
Aria: *steps on spider* is it still funny now
Orphos: *playing trombone*
Bliss: *banging oven door with sunglasses*