gosh okay this is gonna be a freakishly long post so i'm really sorry.

mods i know you use a filter to scan posts for inappropriate content, but if you ever see this for any reason, please, please let it through, it means the world to me

 

 

 

about four years ago, when i was twelve, i had a friend. i'll call her elizabeth. we had been friends since we were nine or ten. when i was nine or ten, i hero-worshipped her. she was a great artist and writer, for a nine/ten year old, and she was funny and confident. she was also nice, at first. i was finally able to work up the courage to tell her how much i looked up to her, and we eventually became joined-at-the-hip best friends. along with another mutual friend, whom i'll call grace, we started writing a comic series. looking back on it, it was laughably terrible, but we were nine and ten and we didn't care. it was our pride and joy, and it's the main thing i can remember from my life back then. 

 

anyway, as i said, i totally hero-worshipped elizabeth. so much that i had patterned my own art style after hers. she was cool with it at first, even though what i did was actually terrible and i totally copied her without her permission. she understandably became annoyed with it after a while, although i, as a ten year old, didn't understand why she was mad. i told her "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" and made the mistake of not changing. so i was definitely in the wrong here, but that didn't justify how she would treat me later on.

 

fast forward to when we're twelve. we're still best friends, i think i've begun to develop a different art style, although i don't remember for sure. i am writing a story called fire and ice. elizabeth asks to co-write, and i say yes, because i still look up to her an unhealthy amount, although not quite as bad. she is a creative genius, but she has ideas for the story that i don't agree with. i try to keep my vision of it first and foremost, but i'm a doormat and she's stubborn. she has totally taken over my story, but i continue on as her co-writer for a while before getting fed up and quitting. it is somewhere around this time that she starts insulting me. honestly, the insults were the dumbest things you can think of- "you're ugly." "you're weak." "you're such an idiot." i mean, come on elizabeth how pathetic. but the combination of me being a doormat and my biggest role model calling me dumb really got to me, and i began to dislike myself- not hate, yet, but sometimes i believed her and i didn't like myself very much. 

 

fast forward again- now we're thirteen and my stupid self has stayed in this toxic relationship the whole time. i'm feeling insecure for the first time in my life, i dislike myself a bit more often, but nothing too serious or out-of-the-ordinary for a young teen, i guess. elizabeth has new friends, whereas she is really all i have, so i am sort of shoved to the back burner sometimes. however, my family drives her home after school every day, and she stays at my house for about an hour before we drop her off at her house, because her parents don't want her home alone, for whatever reason. obviously, after school, the insults continue just as bad as ever. she is also still extremely controlling- i remember one time, i had just gotten my brand new tablet that i had saved up for for ages, and i wanted to show it off to her. she grabs it out of my hands and just flat-out refuses to give it back- i literally have to wrestle her for it. i'm obviously furious. it's somewhere in this year when i realize that i need to cut her out of my life and i begin to really dislike her.

 

okay, now we're fourteen and i'm avoiding her, begging my mom to stop giving her rides, beginning to really hate myself and feeling insecure nearly all the time. i tell my parents what's going on and they don't take it seriously, even though i'm crying and can't get over these new feelings of stress and insecurity and thinking for the first time, that i really am just trash. however, they understand that this is a big deal to me, so they don't get too upset at me when i blow up on elizabeth, screaming and never talking to her again. but, they continue to give her rides home, because our moms are friends and my mom says this is a huge help to her mom and wants to be nice and take the high road. luckily, elizabeth is allowed to stay home alone now, so all i have to endure is ten minutes of awkward silence in the car. 

 

anyway, fast forward yet again to present day...

i'm sixteen. two years later, those insults still stick with me. i worry about everything i do, i constantly feel like everyone is staring at me, judging me for every little movement, even stupid things like the way i walk (which feels clunky and ungraceful to me, and i'm sure everyone is looking at me and wondering why i walk weird, even though i don't have a limp or anything and i walk like a normal person.) or the fact that i'm making ramen in the microwave for lunch (i mean come on, toxic-side-of-my-mind, how dumb is that? nobody judges you for your food choices, shut up.). i constantly worry that i have food on my face after i eat, even though i may check in a mirror and i know there's nothing there. every morning, i worry that i have dried toothpaste on my lips, which has resulted in a bad habit of rubbing at the corners of my mouth to remove toothpaste that i know isn't there. i have a condition called hyperhidrosis, which means that i sweat more than the average person, and even though i think it's usually covered up by my deoderant, i worry that i smell bad and everyone else knows, and maybe i've just gone "nose-blind" to it, like in those febreeze commercials. i feel like i always leech off of everyone else for my validation and i know i would be even worse if not for the constant and subconscious encouragement that you guys and my irl friends give me. i worry that everyone else thinks my self-hatred is an act, and that i'm just fishing for compliments. i worry that my friends don't really like me, and they're just staying friends with me because they don't want me to be offended.

 

sometimes i feel like the main character in turtles all the way down, except my thing isn't a scab on my finger, it's imaginary toothpaste. i worry that i have anxiety and i'm just in denial, but i don't want to go to a therapist because i'm worried my friends will find out and judge me for it, and so the cycle continues. i want to make my parents understand but i've tried and they say that feeling insecure is normal, even though i tried to make it clear that there is no way on earth that everyone feels like this. it's gotten worse since i talked to them- i didn't do the toothpaste thing back then. i worry that i've given myself anxiety by allowing myself to believe that everyone is judging me and that i have toothpaste on my lips. i don't know how to bring it up. they say that they would love for me to see a therapist if i feel like i need to, but i don't want to admit i need help and i don't want anyone (besides my parents) to find out how bad i've gotten.

 

this thread was meant to be more than that, though.

 

right now as i type this, i have mountains of homework that need to be done by tomorrow, but i'm not doing it. i don't have any motivation to do anything but waste time on the internet and read. it's really hard for me to make myself do any schoolwork, and i always do the bare minimum. i used to think it was simply because i knew academia wasn't my priority, but in a healthy way. then, i realized that there might be more to why i sometimes literally can't seem to make myself do any schoolwork until the last minute. maybe i need to be homeschooled, but again- there are social repercussions and that's the last thing i want. i struggle with this lack of motivation in most areas of my life, and my parents have noticed. i think they're worried about me.

 

on to the next topic:

 

i'm going to try to become a bit more inactive. i think it will help me to not allow myself on the internet as much, and to be honest, i don't love wof as much as i used to. i usually couldn't care less about it. i'm not excited for the third arc at all, and i probably wouldn't read it at all if it weren't for the fact that my irl wof fan friend might actually have a heart attack if i didn't lol. anyway, all that to say: i just stick around here for the friends. i'll be on less often, and i'm going to try to only be on my homethread, any threads that specifically summon me*, or threads like this one, where maybe i can help whoever is going through what i am. 

 

 

if you want to summon me FOR ANY REASON AT ALL, PLEASE DO. sorry for the all-caps, but please. don't be nervous at all, i promise i'm nice and if i can do anything to help you, i want to do everything i can. i promise i'm being sincere- never hesitate to summon me for anything you need.

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eureka

moved to @thankfulthunderstorm1 :D

(Please let this pass, mods)

 

I’m going to start off by saying this, because I think it’s really important: there’s no shame in therapy. If your friends look down on you for seeking help for your problems, they should re-examine their values. Therapy can be difficult, and I’m having difficulties with therapy right now too, but a therapist is there to help you and there’s nothing shameful about needing that help.

 

By extension, anxiety isn’t a disgrace. I might be wrong since I don’t get out much, but I don’t think that one’s friends are supposed to make fun of or look down on one or having a mental illness. (If it is a mental illness you think you might be dealing with; I’m not really sure if you’re talking about a disorder or just a feeling, and like I already said, there’s no shame in either.) Yes, anxiety isn’t pleasant and I think that there’s a definite growing subgroup that kind of...glorifies it, in a way, but recovery is possible and I encourage you to try and I’m here for you if you ever need me.

 

Although I’ll miss you, I encourage you to be more inactive as you discussed. I know you have friends here and that it can be hard to cut a habit, but if you don’t like Wings of Fire anymore (and it seems like a burgeoning number of forumers don’t) you probably shouldn’t spend too much time on a site dedicated to it. I hope your schoolwork goes well, and again, I encourage you to seek help about your problems. You deserve happiness.

 

I’m sorry if any of this came across as rude; the primary problems I’ve got are of a chiefly social and communicative sort so I always worry that I’ve said something wrong. Since this is so important I fully support being confronted if I’ve said anything weird.

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Clever, A Very Clevery Guy ❤❤❤

[exits, pursued by a bear]

bringing you cool good posts: Dec. 2014 - March 2019

appreciating and supporting you: today - forever!!!!

Please, take as much time away as you need to. We love you and want you to get better.

You are a beautiful personality. You're funny, kind, creative, and you're always there for me whenever I need help. I'm really glad I can know you. You and Sanetra inspire me to be a better person. I'm really glad Sanetra decided to found the Three Amigas because I've gotten to know you and discover how great of a person you are. What you're going through doesn't make me think of you as anything less. This isn't something you decided on feeling, and I know you aren't trying to get attention. It's ok to feel like this. 

I'm praying for you, that this will get better and that you can find someone to help you through this. Getting help is nothing to be ashamed of. We all need help. I wish that I had had the strength to get help when I needed it. Sometimes we think we can get through something big on our own, sometimes it's that we don't want people to worry about us, sometimes we just don't know why but there's a fear of admitting that something is wrong. Whatever it is, the people who love you would much rather share the load with you and help you through this than unknowingly leave you to climb a mountain of self hate by yourself. Your parents and your friends, if they care about you, won't care that you aren't completely perfect, they just want you to be happy. 

We love you ❤

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Darksea

And oh, there is no power on Earth, or below

That could ever break our hearts Or shake our souls

And when you Lay Me Down you'll only bury bones

'Cause oh, my heart and soul are going home

I usually have a hard time with these things because I've never really felt that kind of insecurity 

Sometimes I feel inadequate and stuff, sure, but those feelings stem from disappointment in myself, not fear of disapproval from others 

However, I can empathize with your motivation problem. I feel the same way, all the time, almost like I'm... wasting my life. However, I know from experience that with motivation, willpower, and help from the Spirit, it is possible to suppress and even get rid of bad habits. Just keep going fren 

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>)(<Crimson>)(< 

Son of Justice

Speak softly and carry a big stick.

 

El Amigo

 

Please just be okay...

 

Foolizh autocoreect

I don’t know you in real life, and I don’t know you incredibly well here either, but I do know that you are by no means an inadequate person. You are flawed, yes, but so is every single person ever. And what's even more important is that you recognize the things you don’t like about yourself, and that's the first step to changing them. By simply writing this post, you're making progress. Asking for help isn’t something to be scorned. Having anxiety doesn’t change anyone's opinion of you; we all still love you and respect you for who you are. It took a lot of courage and willpower to open up like this, and though I have no authority to be saying this, I'm proud of you. Take care of yourself and remember that you are loved and supported by all of us.

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m i r i 

✱ thanks for the laughs 

✱ goodbye comerades let’s get this bread 

haha okay I was in the middle of an emotional breakdown when I typed that first post, so I'm sorry if the grammar is terrible or if I ramble a lot or don't make sense.

 

 


anyway here are some miscellaneous updates about the situation and my life in general:
 

 

I had an Emotional Discussion™ with my parents last night and they basically said a lot of the things you guys are saying, and apparently my brother has been dealing with this too? I never knew?? I feel terrible, how did I not know???

 

But yeah.

 

So we talked a lot about anxiety and obsessive behavior and anchor phrases and some ways to recognize when you're getting anxious and try to stop yourself and all that good mental health stuff.

Then we had a homework marathon that took two hours but I got everything done in time and my dad helped with the demon that is chemistry, so we're all good now. I'm still not sure how to get out of this spiral of thinking stuff like sophomore year isn't even  important or if I miss this one assignment, it won't effect my grade that much, but we're working on it. Also, this weekend I might be able to learn to weld?? Like, I could eventually make cool metal sculptures and I never even thought about welding as an opportunity for art but I'm really excited now.

 

And I woke up to eleven flowers on one of my plants this morning- it usually only gets about five flowers a day, and they all drop at night, but it's still pretty great

 

Anyway it's freezing here and I'm dying but I have this awesome scarf I got for Christmas and I feel ~fashionable~

 

So I mean, if you disregard the fact that I almost cried when I woke up and remembered that I have to get up and do things, I'm actually having a pretty good day :D

 

 


@Clever:

Thanks for all the awesome advice :D

I should probably clarify that I am still very interested in dragons themselves, and I still think the first arc is really cool and very much worth talking about, although I don't think about Wings of Fire very often, except when I'm on here. Which I will still be on here. But I'll probably limit myself to like half an hour on here when I'm not at school (this is one of the only sites I can get on at school because of all the restrictions, so I'm not going to take that away from myself and just make myself be bored all day XD). I'm just trying to spend less time on the internet in general, and out of all the sites I frequent, this one's probably the best for my mental health since it's full of all of you awesome, supportive people (and the rest are just "here are some relatable self-deprecating memes!!")

Thanks again and you deserve happiness too buddy

(No, I don't think any of that came across weird at all)
 

@Darksea

Okay first of all, thank you, I love you too, you're great

Thanks for always being awesome and supportive and a great friend and all that cheesy stuff XD

Anyway, I'm really glad for the three (four? if we ever finish initiating Angel XD)) amigas for the same reasons, because you guys are great and you help me in ways you'll never even know and thanks for that

Thanks for the prayers
 

@Crimson

Haha that's great that you don't usually feel this way, consider yourself lucky XD

Yes I feel like I'm wasting my life all the time

Thanks for the encouragement, and the same all goes to you fren
 

@Miri

Ha I wish I knew you irl, that would be so cool

Anyway, thanks a lot for that- I think that "you are flawed, but so is every single person ever" is a really good point, and a point of view that I, at least, don't see as often as "no, you're perfect!!", so it's really refreshing and nice to hear that

 

 

You guys are all really great

You all deserve to be happy and healthy so try not to deprive yourself of those things

Take care of yourselves

Don't die

I love you all ♥

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eureka

moved to @thankfulthunderstorm1 :D

Hey Eureka

First of all, everything Darksea said

Second, I have a bit of advice for you and this will actually work - I've tried it before and it did change my mind. This works, okay? Look at yourself in the mirror, and every one of those lies your heart believes? Say the truth about them to yourself in the mirror, over and over. Look yourself in the eyes and say them. Daily. Maybe before you go to school, so you have them solidified at the start of the day. Eventually, you'll feel a change in yourself. It's not going to solve EVERYTHING, but it will help heaps. And don't you dare forget to remind yourself that you're beautiful while you're doing this, and that many people love you. 

 

Also totally random but you should get a knit beret, I feel like you'd be stinkin' adorable in one. And since you already have an awesome scarf you can couple that with the beret and be extra fashionable. 

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Sanetra

 

11562+ stars - Apr 2017 - Mar 2019

 

Life is the greatest gift. You've all helped shape mine. I can never thank you all enough. It's been so good

 

Amigos

eurekaDarkseaBearBlackberryVertigoLectorGulfyCaleoZodiakTS

...I'm with you to the end

Dear god, I'm stuck in that same relationship with two girls who are super mean bullies, but they're also my friends and... I'm a doormat lol.

I still don't know how to change that, but I hope your situation in life will get better, please know that I understand what you feel like.

 

I also understand that you'll be inactive, but I hope you life goes great!

 :D

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  SPECTER

~ They/them ~ Nerdy friendo ~

 

Fight!

The universe calls.

Let the star's light

Refract into the night.

After all,

This world's never

truly dark.

 

+*~Believe~*+

@sanetra

first of all, thanks

second of all, okay cool thanks again

ah cool, I'd never thought about owning a beret, knit or otherwise

 

@bixbite

aw that's awful. try to get out of that relationship as soon as possible... but like.

don't scream at them like i did

i also hope your life improves vastly, dude :D

 

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eureka

moved to @thankfulthunderstorm1 :D

everybody gets all these meaningful messages in response to their advice and then your bestie comes along and you're like "oh cool. bye." XD *huggle* 

yes get a beret, ever since yesterday berets are one of my two fashion obsessions. (the other is leather jackets, I've always loved those :D)

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Sanetra

 

11562+ stars - Apr 2017 - Mar 2019

 

Life is the greatest gift. You've all helped shape mine. I can never thank you all enough. It's been so good

 

Amigos

eurekaDarkseaBearBlackberryVertigoLectorGulfyCaleoZodiakTS

...I'm with you to the end

@Eureka, I've never met you before, but I know what it's like. I was in a toxic relationship similar to yours, with a younger girl who looked up to me. I'm not gonna say a lot about her, because the main focus is YOU. There are people who love and care for you on this website, so if you ever need an ear to listen, we can offer about *attempts to count and fails*. See? So many people who love you. Now, go, live a happy life away from this girl. Feel free and break the chains from the toxic world you jumped into by accident. 

It'll be okay *hugs* now go, conquer your quest of life. 

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Oh No, It's Riri

Hello, hello

I need you here

Alone I wait

Will you appear?

{causing chaos since 2018 | trying to become active}

(also the creator of diamond bay)

I have similar anxiety problems, where I always think I'm not good enough for my friends and stuff, so I understand and sympathize completely with you. I've never been good at motivational stuff, but we're all here for you, whenever you need us, and I hope your life gets better soon. *hugs*

 

okay that was terrible I'm awful at this kind of thing XD

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Snowfox

Slytherin

daughter of Hades

 

I need a better signature...

 

"People are trying to read here!" ~Hisoka Kurosaki

I’m terrible at advice so all I can say is that I can empathize with a lot of this and I sincerely hope you feel better in time!

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~ Poppy ~

 

"The Biggest Flex Anyone Will Ever Have Is Dying"

 

SIGNATURE WORK AHEAD

All right, first off, I need to tell you that...

 

 

I'm absolutely terrible at advice.

 

 

But, I've read that if you write, say, 20 good things about yourself, and read it every day, it'll help boost your self-confidence (I've never tried it, though).

 

 

 

Also, as a side note, look up feng shui. Maybe if you enhance the helpful people area it might help a bit.

 

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~Fairydragon~

             She/Her

 

 

We will never be forgotten

for we've all played our parts

and if the memories are erased

they'll still be in our hearts

Thank you... just so much for sharing this. However, I would like to suggest against microwaving ramen, especially if it is packaged in styrofoam containers. The microwaves might crrate this nice reaction where cancer-causing chemicals are made. Please be safe! Try pouring in hot water if you can. :'D sorry to be a pesk!

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Juniper

*still trying to open the pickle jar*

may double post:

 

 

 

 

hEY THIS ISN'T DEAD YET

AND NEITHER AM I
 

 
 

@sanetra

yeah that's just how life goes XD
 

 

@starry, goddess of demons

yo I've like never seen you before but you seem cool already, and thanks for that :D
 

 

@snowfox

dude i always feel like i'm not good enough for my friends

i'm not awesome at motivational stuff either *hugs*

no you did just fine i love you fren
 

 

@poppy

i mean same

thanks and i sincerely hope your life gets better too

 
 

@fairydragon

yeah i've heard that that works, thanks :D

and that was good advice

i know nothing about feng shui so I'm sorry if this is very wrong, but isn't it like, a way of decorating your house?
 

 

@juniper

aw you're welcome :D

haha the ramen is made on the stove out of a non-styrofoam package the night before, and then i take it to school in a tupperware container and just warm it back up

thanks for caring if i get cancer from my ramen XD

nah you're not being annoying at all!

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eureka

moved to @thankfulthunderstorm1 :D

I'd say something, but everyone else has already said it better than I could. Just know that what your "friend" said about you was wrong, and you'll have our support no matter what happens. Also, it seems like you might have OCD (I'm not an expert, but I have it and it sucks). Try looking it up and see if you have symptoms.

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Firework

December 2015-March 2019

3992 stars

/357093

 

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed

For good

@eureka

no problem! OH write things that you consider good about yourself on sticky notes and put them on your mirror

hey here's a couple:

awesome

kind

strong

 

and also remember you can’t make everyone happy in life. only a jar of Nutella can do that. so just do your best and create a private thread if you want more advice, I’m here

also I'm not that cool, I’m just a slightly awkward mom friend ^^;

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Oh No, It's Riri

Hello, hello

I need you here

Alone I wait

Will you appear?

{causing chaos since 2018 | trying to become active}

(also the creator of diamond bay)

@firework

thanks for even bothering to comment- even if you don't know what to say, it still means a lot to me

also, yeah, my mom struggles with obsessive behavior sometimes as well, and we talked about what you can do to get yourself to obsessing like that, and it's been going a lot better lately :D 

i think that since i was able to stop obsessing over those things as soon as i knew what it might be caused by and what i needed to do to stop it, it's probably not an actual disorder, but thanks for pointing out the possibility of ocd, because i never would have thought of that unless you and/or my parents had brought it up

 

@starry

heeey i've been planning to write various inspiring/joy-bringing things on my mirror for a while now. thanks for the reminder XD

and thank you so much for the positive traits! those all apply to you too :D

haha but even nutella can't make you happy if you're allergic to nuts

and slightly awkward mom friends are some of the best friends. thanks for the private thread invitation XD

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eureka

moved to @thankfulthunderstorm1 :D

Hey so everyone else has already said anything I might have said, but just know that I wish you the strength and perseverance to overcome your challenges

 

Stay strong, stay safe, fren

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Such is the path of a dreamer: I find my way by moonlight.

 

~Oncilla~

 

Queen of Non SequiturBookwyrmsPangolinsand Bones

 

Trash Squad, WerewolfGASTER FOLLOWER

 

Writer, roleplayer, nerd

 

WoFMBer Dec. 2014-Mar. 2019

@oncilla

aw, thank you, fren

you stay strong and safe too

 

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eureka

moved to @thankfulthunderstorm1 :D

@ Eureka (Sorry for the late-ish post) Technically, yes, it is a way of decorating your house, but it's supposed to help you put everything in a way that helps you live a happier, more joyful life (?)

 

@Starry Nutella does not make everyone happy. I've convinced my family to stop buying it because it has palm oil, which is made by cutting or burning down rainforest, especially in Borneo and Sumatra, where animals like orangutans, proboscis monkeys, clouded leopards, pygmy elephants, and many, many, more live.

 

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~Fairydragon~

             She/Her

 

 

We will never be forgotten

for we've all played our parts

and if the memories are erased

they'll still be in our hearts