I feel like we've been spoiled with two chapters released consecutively... oh well. (I'm not complaining by any means, just saying)

 

Anywho, this is really really really good Riri. Can't wait to see the next chapter.

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>ɮᘿl<

It'ֆ time to ǝʌǝlǝq

 

Masquerade!

Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you!

 

He's riding hard to catch that herd but he ain't caught 'em yet

 

Drum Corps International is proud to present...

 

DCI.

7-8-14||Retrovertigo||This New World

@Rebel

yeeaaah i don't have any restraint, what can i say...i love watching everyone's reactions, they make my day :D glad you like it!

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

Hey Riri do you mind constructive criticism? It's really good, I just have a few notes.

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Keep going, friend :D! I believe in you!

 

'Goat like yelps'

-Hootsie

 

#SupportPeri

 

Basic psychology. Also I read a lot of memes.

 

I scream a lot!

Finally finished reading to the latest update! This is awesome, Riri!

 

Hope to see RA!Thunderstorm in the next chapter!

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~Thunderstorm~

Thunder|Thundy|TS

She/Her|They/Them

 

There's nothing left to say now

Let's only think about love!

You have opened the yawning grave

 

α σνєя σƒ муѕтєяумαgι¢, αη∂ αηgѕт!

Not at all, Ghost! I'm an amateur writer and seriously wish to improve :')

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

Wow, this is AMAZING. I hope my cinnamon roll Jay will be accepted, though I'll probably have to throw in myself instead, cri))

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Blueangel

Autocorrect says I'm Bangle.

and Google translate says I'm RedSea

 

What am I?

 

You can fix something, but that doesn't make it not broken

you can listen but that doesn't mean you understand.

 

BTS is my current obsession- Taekook is good.

Thanks! I just had a few comments:

First, we haven't actually seen Earth-22 yet. If you want a reader to believe that Beat is this haven that's way better than Earth-22, you should show what it's like. The only scenes we have of it are Riri going down to Beat and someone sketching.

 

Second, you haven't really explained the world of Beat. It's underground, so is all the lighting done with neon paint? And if so, is vandalism allowed (As you described a lot of neon paint)? What are the rules of Beat? This also comes into effect with the stadium- you haven't really described what it looks like, or how the battles work. 

 

The character's personalities also kinda confuse me. They all seem to be constantly cheerful, so they kinda blend together, making it hard to tell them apart. One good way to fix this is something JK Rowling did, where you associate your characters with key words: 'bushy brown hair'- Hermione,

'drawling', Draco', 'horn-rimmed glasses', percy. Even with minor characters, she repeated these to help you remember who everyone is. They also fluctuate- first impressions mean everything, so if Mockingjay acts edgy when we first see her, I'll expect her to keep that up. 

 

My main complaint really is the world- you haven't really explained the rules of this place, and how it all works. What do people do all day? Does Beat have a government? If no, is it just anarchy? If the stadium doesn't allow sharp arrows, how come characters have whips shurikens and blades? A more fleshed-out world really helps the reader get a better feel for it. You can build a lot of scaffolding behind the scenes and not even show it, but it'll be noticeable that it's there. Most of my questions were about the world, including the ones I mentioned previously. Where does the prize money for the battles come from? Can literally anyone just have a go at it? If so, why don't they? Why do they partly have advanced tech and partly stuff we use today like our slang and phones? 

 

As a last thing, we haven't had any real conflict yet. These characters are famous battlers, and I haven't really gotten a feel for their possible journeys- Reading the last chapter, I presume it's gonna start happening now, but still. What do they want? They've barely expressed opinions.

 

It's great overall, you have good writing for actions scenes and descriptions, but these are just a few things you could work on.

 

P.S.: Why is there magic? We haven't really seen characters use their powers, and the magic we've seen could be explained as advanced tech. Again, just some worldbuilding

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Keep going, friend :D! I believe in you!

 

'Goat like yelps'

-Hootsie

 

#SupportPeri

 

Basic psychology. Also I read a lot of memes.

 

I scream a lot!

Thanks, Ghost. I appreciate the criticism and i’m sure to fix it after this. I’m on mobile right now, so I can’t type everything out yet. Thanks anyways :)

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

My comment to that: If we were trying to be realistic, than the chapters would be much longer. I think like you in that sense, so Don’t do it. It’ll take the fun out of it. :)

 

 

@Riri: (later on, take note) Could you make Summer have a moment when he calms down someone who has “Set Fire to the Rain”? I just thought of it while listening, it would be an interesting thing to see you play it out.

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Summer

*lavender eddition*

 

 Catholic

Oh my....

 

(Was about to unload so much positive swearing, but forgot this was the wrong place)

 

SO GOOD

 

SO GOOD

 

DRAMA

 

SHIPPING

 

LOVE POLYGONS

 

IT HAS IT ALL!!!

 

lol, wonder what I would be like in this world.

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Foodle

 Boi

 

 (;

 

 “WE ARE A ARM NOW!”

 

 #FirstDingut

 

 

 

 

 

 

@Summer

not sure. it'd be hard to include because it'd be off plot...

 

 

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

@MURDOC

 

DA SHIPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

YASSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

 

YASSSSSS

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ᴛoFfEe (´ω`●)

 

ʟᴏᴄᴀʟ ᴄɪɴɴᴀᴍᴏɴʀᴏʟʟ

 

ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴋᴏ ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ (~ ̄▽ ̄)~

 

ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴠᴇ sʜɪᴘᴘᴇʀ & ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙᴏʙᴀ

 

ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙʜ/ᴅʙ\(^ω^\)

 

“ᴊᴀᴅᴇ, ɪғ ɪ’ᴍ ᴀ ᴡᴀʟɴᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴍᴏɴᴅ.”

 

*Eagerly waits for next chapter*

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Foodle

 Boi

 

 (;

 

 “WE ARE A ARM NOW!”

 

 #FirstDingut

 

 

 

 

 

 

;.;

 

You made me think there was a new chapter...

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~Pancakes~

 

"Don't poop in other threads"~Dynasty

"I'm not a psychopath, I'm just very creative."~Harry Potter-Evans-Verres

"I SHALL HIT YOU WITH A HAPPY BRICK!"~Sanetra

"No, I need a computer that doesn't double as an egg fryer."~Night

 

#HopeForHurricane

And you made me think that there was a new chapter.

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Gulfstream

She/Her

Empress of Positivity

 

Forum Sisters: Violet, Lunastar, Bixbite, Riri, Sanetra, Hyperbole, Ivy, and more  

 

Forum BFF: Everyone!!!

 

I'm an autistic Christian

 

 

 

 

Same Murdoc :c

 

But it's okay. :)

 

Just remember we don't post on here unless Riri posts a new chapter. Since lots of us are always excited and eager for the next part of the story, we get disappointed easily when it's just a bump or something else. 

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ᴛoFfEe (´ω`●)

 

ʟᴏᴄᴀʟ ᴄɪɴɴᴀᴍᴏɴʀᴏʟʟ

 

ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴋᴏ ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ (~ ̄▽ ̄)~

 

ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴠᴇ sʜɪᴘᴘᴇʀ & ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙᴏʙᴀ

 

ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙʜ/ᴅʙ\(^ω^\)

 

“ᴊᴀᴅᴇ, ɪғ ɪ’ᴍ ᴀ ᴡᴀʟɴᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴍᴏɴᴅ.”

 

Aaaaand same here.

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Specter

[Bixbite][She/they/baka]

❀❀❀❀❀

#CCfam

❀❀❀❀❀

Playing happy melodies

under the glowing moon

❀❀❀❀❀

A thousand cherry blossoms,

Dwindling in the light...

❀❀❀❀❀

Spring aesthetic

if you guys post two more times we hit 5 pages

and the chapter's almost out, stay hyped! in the BH wiki chat if you wanna talk about anything :D

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

>:3

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ᴛoFfEe (´ω`●)

 

ʟᴏᴄᴀʟ ᴄɪɴɴᴀᴍᴏɴʀᴏʟʟ

 

ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴋᴏ ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ (~ ̄▽ ̄)~

 

ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴠᴇ sʜɪᴘᴘᴇʀ & ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙᴏʙᴀ

 

ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙʜ/ᴅʙ\(^ω^\)

 

“ᴊᴀᴅᴇ, ɪғ ɪ’ᴍ ᴀ ᴡᴀʟɴᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴍᴏɴᴅ.”

 

Cool

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Hyperbole 

{She/her-1458☆} Heteroromantic Asexual

12-21-16

LGBTQA

Yeets to Mars 

You're valid! 

Hyperbole falls from the sky. 

Forum Sis: Gulfstream 

#RememberTheLost

I can't find the chat!!!

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Gulfstream

She/Her

Empress of Positivity

 

Forum Sisters: Violet, Lunastar, Bixbite, Riri, Sanetra, Hyperbole, Ivy, and more  

 

Forum BFF: Everyone!!!

 

I'm an autistic Christian

 

 

 

 

HOW DO YOU GET TO THE BH WIKI CHAT?!?! DO YOU NEED AN ACCOUNT OR????

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{*}Vισℓεт{*}

She/Her/Spiky Potato

 

 

A cry I cant say

A voice I cant use

A song I cant sing

Words I cant say

Build up and up

Making a wal

I cant break down

 

search Bellmans high fwrp wikia :)

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

WHEW

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ᴛoFfEe (´ω`●)

 

ʟᴏᴄᴀʟ ᴄɪɴɴᴀᴍᴏɴʀᴏʟʟ

 

ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴋᴏ ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ (~ ̄▽ ̄)~

 

ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴠᴇ sʜɪᴘᴘᴇʀ & ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙᴏʙᴀ

 

ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙʜ/ᴅʙ\(^ω^\)

 

“ᴊᴀᴅᴇ, ɪғ ɪ’ᴍ ᴀ ᴡᴀʟɴᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴍᴏɴᴅ.”

 

no wait

my math is off

20 more posts .-. 

so uh we'll probably hit it by chapter five

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

Yes, but specifally, the chat? I can't find it!

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{*}Vισℓεт{*}

She/Her/Spiky Potato

 

 

A cry I cant say

A voice I cant use

A song I cant sing

Words I cant say

Build up and up

Making a wal

I cant break down

 

I saw the wiki, where is the chat?

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Gulfstream

She/Her

Empress of Positivity

 

Forum Sisters: Violet, Lunastar, Bixbite, Riri, Sanetra, Hyperbole, Ivy, and more  

 

Forum BFF: Everyone!!!

 

I'm an autistic Christian

 

 

 

 

@Violet

yeah, you do D: sorry!

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

ah, yes! go to explore > wiki activity. it should be in the right hand bar.

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

What right hand bar?

 

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Gulfstream

She/Her

Empress of Positivity

 

Forum Sisters: Violet, Lunastar, Bixbite, Riri, Sanetra, Hyperbole, Ivy, and more  

 

Forum BFF: Everyone!!!

 

I'm an autistic Christian

 

 

 

 

okay, if you're on desktop, it's above the new pages and community section. if you're on mobile, i don't know how to fix it D:

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      ✪ Riri ✪ 

        [she/her/author]

   In this lukewarm madness

  I’ll say goodbye to this drama

        and make-believe

That i’ve been playing this whole time

    19 5 14 4 13 5 13 5 19

 (; we are a arm now #firstdingut

aND FOR A MOMENT I THOUGHT THERE WAS A NEW CHAPTER ;-;

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Specter

[Bixbite][She/they/baka]

❀❀❀❀❀

#CCfam

❀❀❀❀❀

Playing happy melodies

under the glowing moon

❀❀❀❀❀

A thousand cherry blossoms,

Dwindling in the light...

❀❀❀❀❀

Spring aesthetic

You have to have an account to have to go on chat

It won't appear if you aren't signed in. 

And on mobile Chat appears at the bottom of the page.

Also this story is really awesome

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Cleaver

 

"Facts may be colored by the personalities of the people who present them." ~Twelve Angry Men

 

Remember the lost

Oh, I don't have an account. That's why

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Gulfstream

She/Her

Empress of Positivity

 

Forum Sisters: Violet, Lunastar, Bixbite, Riri, Sanetra, Hyperbole, Ivy, and more  

 

Forum BFF: Everyone!!!

 

I'm an autistic Christian

 

 

 

 

Me either

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{*}Vισℓεт{*}

She/Her/Spiky Potato

 

 

A cry I cant say

A voice I cant use

A song I cant sing

Words I cant say

Build up and up

Making a wal

I cant break down

 

Why 

The second "to have" is a glitch

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Cleaver

 

"Facts may be colored by the personalities of the people who present them." ~Twelve Angry Men

 

Remember the lost

I have an account so I don't have to struggle. Not to rub it in anyone's faces, I still don't have too much time to get on it.

 

Also, I don't see you in BH chat Riri.

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NYX

smol spoopy demon child

Hi it’s me

Zie/Zer Pronouns

Slytherin Pride

LGBTQA+

”And while we stay silent, we’re violently tossed.”Big Fish

“Lord what fools these mortals be!”A Midsummer Night’s Dream

When are we getting Chapter 5?

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NYX

smol spoopy demon child

Hi it’s me

Zie/Zer Pronouns

Slytherin Pride

LGBTQA+

”And while we stay silent, we’re violently tossed.”Big Fish

“Lord what fools these mortals be!”A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Riri says later tonight.  :3

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ᴛoFfEe (´ω`●)

 

ʟᴏᴄᴀʟ ᴄɪɴɴᴀᴍᴏɴʀᴏʟʟ

 

ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴋᴏ ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ (~ ̄▽ ̄)~

 

ᴏʙsᴇssɪᴠᴇ sʜɪᴘᴘᴇʀ & ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙᴏʙᴀ

 

ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴏғ ʙʜ/ᴅʙ\(^ω^\)

 

“ᴊᴀᴅᴇ, ɪғ ɪ’ᴍ ᴀ ᴡᴀʟɴᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴍᴏɴᴅ.”

 

*anxiously waiting*

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NYX

smol spoopy demon child

Hi it’s me

Zie/Zer Pronouns

Slytherin Pride

LGBTQA+

”And while we stay silent, we’re violently tossed.”Big Fish

“Lord what fools these mortals be!”A Midsummer Night’s Dream

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