Hrrrrmmm.....I wrote this last night and since it’s ridiculously long and probably too personal, it hasn’t come through yet, and might not come through at all. So.. Big Sad Leaving Post: Revised Edition. (If the original comes through, that’s by accident. I know this doesn’t work, but: Please let this through!)
It's ya boi Clever Dragon 364 signing off for (hopefully) the final time but before that!!!!!! gotta be emotional about this website for a hot minute
I have been here for a long time. In some ways I don't think spending the last of my childhood and the beginning of my adolescence here was a good thing, but in other ways I do. I can't really deny that this was the first place where I felt kind of good about myself. Probably not in an entirely healthy way -- I've been coasting off the internet celebrity I believed I held circa 2015 - 2016 for years now, and as I begin the next stage of my life I realize that writing some really cool stories on a children's literature message board is not as cool as I thought it was at the time. But it was super important to me at the time, so I try to value that nonetheless.
Like... roleplaying and writing fanfiction and being in that weird chat clique for a while (PurplePuma241 I'm so sorry for the person I was in 2015. You will never read this, but I'm sorry anyway. You were very nice to me and I hope you are having a great life) weren't good because they isolated me from a social life I could have had, but they were good because they helped me learn about socializing in a safe environment that being around "real" people couldn't replicate. Online, you don't have to worry about body language and eye contact and tone of voice and all that weird stuff. You just have to worry about winning arguments about what fictional dragons you think should KISS!!!!!!
I don't know. Maybe this site didn't help me very much. It caused me a lot of strife, to be honest, which doesn't reflect on me very well. But it also made me feel for the first time like I had the potential to be something other than "Weird, Annoying, and Not Invited To Your Birthday Party", you know? I'm being abstract here.
I had a lot of really great friends here, and even though I have some names in mind that I want to mention, I feel like it would be best if I didn’t. You know who you are, and I know who you are, and that’s what matters. I remember you and I hope that you’re having a nice life and I hope you do great things in your future. You got me at my worst and you were even kind of nice to me!
Also I love everybody who I know on Discord and even though I will probably still talk to you again I wanted to tell you I love you right here!!!! I love you!!!!! Platonically
My first roleplay was called "Pyrrhian Nightmare Complex" and it was essentially Portal. My first fanfiction was called "Six Paths" and it was about dragon homeschoolers solving a mystery that never got solved. My most beloved and enduring character was President Yogurt Container, RainWing president of dairy products. She was secretly the mother of my other RainWing OC, Shiny, but I never wrote a story where that was dramatically revealed. So, there's that. You're very welcome. (I am standing on an empty stage, speaking to an audience that left years ago.) Sometimes I'd make alternate accounts and try to do so-called experiments, but they never went anywhere. (There was never any drama about them. I don't think anyone even replied to most of them. If there was drama about them, I'd reveal it right now.) (I will say, though, that one of my alternate accounts originated Sam the Bird from the cover of Escaping Peril.)
I don't have much to say about the works I did here. It was incredibly important to me that they were initially received well. They don’t exist anymore, so I can’t save them. Everything I would have wanted to save got deleted a long time ago. It sort of makes me sad that I’ll never be able to read Six Paths, and The Path Less Taken, and You Left Me In The Dark, and also GeneralGoblin7’s “The Gold Winglet” series, which wasn’t mine but was top-tier literature nonetheless, but that’s okay. I still remember those things. The memories will get blurrier and blurrier, and I guess that’s how it has to be.
One cool fact is that I have been L, G, B, and T at various different times on this website, which I think is neat. It was nice to be able to explore my identity here, and typically (but not always) around people who were okay with me doing that. I probably wouldn’t have been able to do that if I hadn’t joined, so whatever my ultimate feelings about this community are, I’ll always be grateful for that.
I have never been banned once (to my knowledge). I don't know how it's possible to be this un-punk, but oh well.
It will be cool and interesting to not be on this website anymore. I'm too old for it anyway. I'm getting a job soon and learning how to drive and preparing for college. I still really like Wings of Fire, though. It's been such a big part of my life for such a long time, that I'm not sure it'll ever be out of my mind. In ten years from now when I'm in law school I'll still think, "Wow this is just like Kestrel's bogus trial in Wings of Fire Book One The Dragonet Prophecy by Tui T. Sutherland." And that's just how it is.
I wish I’d gotten to do another one of those silly “livetweeting” threads. I promised I would, and I then I never did, and now I won’t get the opportunity. I already had a couple of jokes in mind...
I'm not leaving for any big reason, just because I've been meaning to for a while and now seems like a good opportunity.
I really liked being here. But I'm not the same scared, insecure, friendless kid I was in 2014. I've changed in more ways I even thought possible at the time. I like myself now -- or at least, I'm getting a lot closer to liking myself. I know that I'm smart and I know that I'm strong and I know that I'm brave. I still don't know who I am, fundamentally, but I know that I will someday, and that makes me feel okay, at least in the moment. I'm still not great with people, but I strive to be, and that's what I need. I'm getting better, bit by bit. I have friends now, and they like me and I like them. I'm excited about my future and I'm at peace with my past.
I don't know why I wrote any of this. It doesn't matter. But I respond to the name "Clever" faster than I respond to my own name, so that's, uh, something.
Final word -- It's been ~1,545 days (or something like that), and nobody who I know in real life ever found out that I have this account...