Well, I came to a verdict. I’m a demigirl.
I’ll explain why. See, whenever I look at girls, I used to think “why don’t I act feminine, why am I so odd”, etc. When I look at guys, I think “I’m not really like them,” I look at more or less gender neutral labels and think “er... close but not really”, and nowadays I look at girls like “I’m pretty close to them, but not quite there.” Think of gender as the carts of a rollercoaster— the back is being male and the front is being female. The middle of the carts are labels such as agender, general non-binary, etc. I’m sitting pretty close to the middle of the cart, but I’m also really near the front of the carts as well.
I think of myself as a full woman or female and I cringe and get somewhat alienated, because I can’t envision myself like that. It doesn’t feel right to me. It’s like being a girl, but also not a girl, if that makes any sense. Being considered fully a female just doesn’t quite sit right with me, and I’m more comfortable when I dress androgynously. Cutting my hair to chin-length has helped me a lot in doing that, because I consider that length to be gender-neutral; now I’m not saying that hairstyles have specific genders, but long hair tends to be more associated with females than males and short hair around ear length is typically associated with males in my neck of the woods.
I looked up some resources for coming out, and think of it this way- imagine all your life, someone was putting mustard on your hotdogs. You like mustard at first, but then you realize you might just be liking mustard because you want to fit in. You don’t know what ketchup is until you look it up, but you don’t tell anyone. One day you put some mustard on your hotdog and some ketchup, and then you think it tastes better with both ketchup and mustard. But you can’t tell anyone you like it with ketchup and mustard, because you’re afraid of being turned away.
I honestly hope you can all understand why I’ve chosen to give myself this label after this explanation. I’m still the same old Necro, just I have they/them tacked onto my she/her pronouns.
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creator of CoI, the PJO FWRP (/355313)
the ♡heart♡ wants what it wants
and what it wants
is to burst out of your chest and terrorize people. it's an alien, remember?