*This message come to you from a lesbian, middle schooler who has been through a lot.
Love who you want to love. I have problems telling people my problems too. I can only tell you guys my problems because it's anonymous and all it is is text. I can't admit to people things while looking at them, and knowing them IRL. So get help in any way you can. If you have to sign up for a free counseling website that's over text, that's what you have to do. Do whatever you can to find help, even if people don't agree with the way you find help.
I've had multiple people tell me that you shouldn't tell someone big things over text, and I completely disagree. It helps me tell people my problems. So don't be afraid to admit your problems however you can.
I'll admit, I don't like people to see that I am weak. I live basically with a mask 24/7. It's probably not the best strategy. I am constantly lying to people about my feelings, and if you feel the need to do that on occasion, you should do it. Sometimes you just want to sort yourself out in private, and don't let anyone stop you from doing what is best for you. And going back to what I said earlier, confiding to people over the internet means that no one knows anything unless you share it with them. People can help you, and I know from personal experience I can feel more myself, instead of feeling like a weak and crying little girl.
Love who you want to love. And if all else fails, we won't judge you, as your self proclaimed family. You are among encouraging people here. I, we, love you.