i'm gonna warn you, there are many angsty aspects of this story, so if you don't wanna find yourself in tears for poor Laur, then i suggest you don't read it.

 

or you can torture yourself and do it anyway.

 

- INTRODUCTION -


The world's not exactly a friendly place.


I learned that when my mama died in a church shooting, and I learned it again when I was kicked out for being gay.


I learned it time and time and time and time again.


Almost nothing about life is kind or sweet; and whatever might have been I had to earn.


I had to earn my place among my friends, I had to earn a brighter future.


But in the end, I think I blew them all away.


My name is Jason Laurens. This is my story.

 

yes, i know it's fairly short, but i didn't have many ideas at the time of it. i don't know when i'll finish chapter one, but i'll try to update two-to-three times a week, if not more.

 

later!

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I literally can't wait for the first chapter! It sounds really good. 

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Call me "Hawk"

 I'm am not Hawk soom wood sai I'm am da Raverze! +I'm Indigo Pizza!!!+

 

"Letting go is like getting a massage. You'll feel pain, but once you accept that pain, there will be calm." - Hawk. Me.

came for edgy hamilton oc backstory

 

 

it's amazing uwu

i can't wait for the first chapter!

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winter

<< Forum Hobby Lobby >>

 

- Roller coaster nerd

Mother to almost too many fictional characters

- Fangirl

 

The Magic of  Christmas never ends, and its greatest gifts are family and friends. "

this chapter is a bit oddly written, but Laur isn't exactly . . . mentally present, for the majority of it. he's describing all this from memory, too, so what happened was kind of lost in his mind.

 

- CHAPTER ONE -


Age Seven


The feeling of my mother’s hands covering my own was enough to allow me to relax; I was always anxious about messing up. I smiled, glancing back at her, and she smiled in return.


“Middle C, A,” Mama instructed as I returned my attention to the piano keys before me.


I frowned. “Which one’s A again?” I asked, and Mama guided my fingers to the right position.


“The one right between the second and third black keys in the sets of three,” she told me.


A smile flicked across my features again as I played the notes, and as Mama pulled her hands away I couldn’t help but start playing my own melody, my own tune. Mama always let me do that, as long as I went back to the lesson eventually.


“Anne!” a voice suddenly called, interrupting my free-play. I tensed; it was my father’s voice, and he didn’t sound happy.


Mama sighed. “Coming,” she called, and whispering a hushed “I’ll be right back,” she stood and left the living room.


I sat there a while, not really listening to what I could hear. I always . . . blanked out, persé, when I knew my parents were about to have an argument.


The only words I ever really remembered where my own name, “girly,” and another word — “gay,” I think. Whatever that meant. (And while I’m well-aware of what it means now, but as a child the age of seven, I didn’t understand the concept behind that word at the time.)


I winced as my parents’ more hushed voices raised — raised and raised and raised until they were yelling.


Yelling. Yelling, they always yelled. It hurt my ears, but it also hurt my heart. They argued so much. Arguing . . . all I really knew was that it was bad and it hurt people. I didn’t understand why people did it, why they tried to hurt others through it, or even how it hurt others.


Maybe because I was always so zoned out those times.


Everything was fuzzy around the edges; almost unfamiliar. I don’t know why it always happened when Mama and Dad argued — maybe it was because my mind was trying to convince me that it wasn’t real, that I was going to be okay, that we were going to be okay.


My mind was lying, of course.


A door slammed and I thought I heard Mama start crying. I didn’t move, though; things always got worse when I interfered.


Unconsciously, my hand went to my face, gracing the place where a hand-shaped bruise had once been.


A year ago. That’s the first time I tried to get in between them.


My fingers curled in on themselves as I recalled the stinging pain of the slap Dad had delivered.


I didn’t realize I was crying until I was burying my face in my hands, and the wetness of my cheeks soaked my fingers.


I didn’t like it when Mama and Dad fought. Didn’t like it because it hurt Mama so much and that made me hurt too.


I didn’t understand why they fought. I didn’t want to know, if I had to be honest.


Sobs racked my body; I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much before.


Crying, that’s for girls. Dad didn’t like it when I did girly stuff, like play piano or grow my hair long. I didn’t care.


Didn’t care; then Mama and Dad fought.


Fought, were they still fighting? I couldn’t remember anymore. Everything was blanked out.


Blanked out, couldn’t remember . . . didn’t remember when I went to my room, but everything was getting fuzzier, and I think I felt the softness of my bed underneath me. Couldn’t think right. Was tired.


Better to sleep than weep, I thought, somewhere back there, didn’t know where it came from. Just a passing idea as I drifted off.


Drifted off . . .


. . . and slept.

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wow. Chapter 1 is written really well, it feels just like you're inside his mind, reliving his thoughts and memories...

 

And the introduction gave me a scary sense of foreboding at the "blew them all away"

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bluedolphin8423

  

CHRISTIAN!

 

^ These two have been and will be up here till the day we're gone.

 

LUPA 2647

February or July 2015 – March 2019

the forum nostalgia pile

remember the lost. that's what matters.

 

ClerilisaFRUIT

Toasteril

balegu

@Lupa: aHhHhH THANK

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here and ready to cry

 

anyway,,, hh,, good writing,,,,,

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v i n e 

 

you find some way to survive

and you find out you don't have to be happy at all

to be happy you're alive

 

they / them

@Vine: thank uuuuu

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Beautiful!! *much clapping* 

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Cleaver

~Atheist

~Questioning

~Lover of Insects & Arachnids

~Dying inside

 

"Facts may be colored by the personalities of

the people who present them." ~Twelve Angry Men

 

Remember the lost 

Joined: Feb. 12, 2016

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sorry, but y'all might have to wait a while for an update -- my creativity has poofed. ;-;

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I absolutely love it!!!! Chapter One was GREAT!!!!!!!

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Not my real name, but call me

Sparky!

"No matter what happens, there's always something good, because hope never dies!" ~ Sparky

A good quote from Vamporizer:

"WHEN LIFE PUSHES YOU BACK, PUNCH IT IN THE FACE."

 

Forum Twin: Wolfdragon43782 {Alphawolf}

 

 

wheeze my hamilton heart is racing

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winter

<< Forum Hobby Lobby >>

 

- Roller coaster nerd

Mother to almost too many fictional characters

- Fangirl

 

The Magic of  Christmas never ends, and its greatest gifts are family and friends. "

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   ~ADAM~

 

 He/Him

~Author

~₱ersonal

~Blog

 

Forum Fam

~Draco @ Zero

~Amber

~Stormbringer

~Emma

Est. 9.18.18