Okay....I had to make a new thread since it didn't go through last night.

 

 

So, what's wrong?

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

Sorry I couldn't make another thread last night.

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

it's fine, I managed. Incoming maybe...

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

The fact that people always leave my life....no one stays around...it feels like I'm stuck in a curse...ever since I was five people who I considered family leave my life..acting like they don't even know me nor want to...the cycle keeps repeating. I start to get close to the person the person stops talking to me and eventually just ignores me all together...I thought I finally found people who would stick around and I guess want me in their lives but they never come on anymore.. My friends, best friend, my twin.. They're never on.. My twin keeps saying she wants to be apart of my life and me apart of hers but I have yet seen any evidence...she said she would be on more but no. I barely see my little sister.. She's hardly ever on anymore and you know maybe just maybe everyone is crazy busy but so am I. I have something going on every day now but I still find, wait no, I make time to be here because these people mean a hek-in lot to me. I make it a priority to be here every night which makes me miss out and watching my favorite shows that almost always end up on a cliff hanger not to mention it's less time I get to spend with my mom which she works so spending time with her is precious. I can't rely on anyone anymore. They always leave. The only person other then my actual family that I live with that has stuck around is my best friend outside of here. She's been my best friend for six years because that's how long it took for her to trust me. I don't even know why I tried so hard to keep her around maybe I saw something different in her maybe it was God saying hey she needs you, I don't know. And maybe I can rely on her, maybe she's the one person I can rely on but I haven't been able to rely on people for so long that I don't know if I can nor do I want to because I'm scared that the same thing that's been happening for over ten years will happen. Maybe it's me maybe that's why people keep leaving but I don't know what I'm doing wrong or if I even am. Everyone tells me I'm a great friend but then they go and act like they don't want me in their lives. I've been bruised and broken so many times by the same thing that I'm scared. I lost my faith one year because so many people at the same time that I considered really close family acted like they didn't know me nor wanted to and I didn't know what the hek happened and why they were acting like that. I don't want that to happen again. This is probably why I have Seperation anxiety. I cried myself to sleep last night because no one was on. Me and my sisters had a code. We all would be on at the same time but they all forgot it seems. Them being on every night was giving me hope that maybe there is people you can rely on but that came crashing down. I still come on every night, maybe I'm still hoping even though every night I'm on here I'm crying because none of my sisters are on who said they would be. I'm getting colder and more and more numb every night. I've told them so many times that is very important to me that they are on every night or at least every other but they don't get it..I never told them why it's important to me maybe I should but I'm scared that it will make no difference. I've told my friends outside of here how much their friendship means to me but it makes no difference they'll just leave you in the end. It always happen, it's a never ending cycle. I don't want to get close to anyone anymore..well I do but I also don't because I'm stuck in a curse and if I get close they'll just leave. I just needed get this off my chesty even though it won't make a difference.. Also what I mean by sisters is people that I consider family that I can't refer to anything else but sister or twin. One of them is my twin sister because we're so much alike. I don't even think this will go through. 

 

Mods please let this through ;-; 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

I am so sorry, Key. This is a time where I wished I knew you in real life. I really want to give you a real hug right now. I...I just don't know what to say that will help but that I'll be praying for you. This is probably just a trial God is having you go through. There are trials God puts in our lives that we don't like, but it's all a part of His plan to bring us closer to Him. I pray that things will go alright for you and I'll be here most of the time if you need someone to talk to.

 

Sorry, if I was preaching or this didn't help but...oh dear, I can't think of anything else to write... Just remember, turn to Him when things are tough and you feel alone. He is ALWAYS with you. ^_^

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

Thanks Fallon..it's nice to have a reminder. I don't have any friends that remind me to turn to Him which never made sense to me because they're all Christians...hmm -strokes chin- says a lot where things are at in the culture ay. 

 

 

If it is then it's a hek-in long trial. I mean seriously how long does this trial have to be? XD And I'm not seeing the bigger picture here which I normally am able to do. I'm almost always am able to understand why he is doing something I don't particularly like but this time it's not making any sense. Maybe he's trying to tell me that way to loyal for my own good? That doesn't exactly make sense but I am way to loyal for my own good. Idk still trying to figure it out.. 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

Well, glad I could be of service.

 

I usually just try to be friends with others and let God take care of the rest. If we're meant to be good friends and rely on each other, then he'll show a sign. But in truth, I don't have many friends... Just aquaintances.

 

But if you ever need help with understanding something, I'll try my best to help you understand.

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

I have...one friend, maybe two? And a lot of acquaintances about fifteen to twenty and that's not including people from here...

 

 

Thank you Fallon, really thank you. Words are the strongest weapon. A simple sentence can make all the difference. I would hug you but I don't know you that well XD

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

That's okay XD

 

I am actually not that good with words so...yeah.

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

and now my post aren't coming through once again...

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

Oh the joy of weekends and the filter....

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

ooof this is really annoying... Also sorry if I'm sounding like a pest but don't forget to pov for After 'The End'. I just don't want my RP to die since it's the first one that has taken off.

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

I would say you're pretty good Fallon ^-^ I mean you got me smiling again, that's something. 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

and now they all come through XD

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

I'm not good at starting conversations 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

If it makes you feel better..... Neither am I

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

It really does it because then we're both here trying to start a conversation that won't die right away

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

True....

 

Put up any Christmas decor yet?

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

Don't celebrate it

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

What do you celebrate then?

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

If you celebrate anything....

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

ooof give it a sec...

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

Thanksgiving, Sukkot, Hanukkah, Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur,  4th of July, New Year's, oof that's all I can think of rn. And before you ask, no I am not Jewish I'm just simply following God the best I can. He said to keep the biblical feast holy that's what I do. That simple, I'm just following Him. 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

Okay, that's fine. Everyone celebrates different holidays.

 

So have you thought of any New Year Resolutions? I know I haven't XD

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

Iincoming maybe? Idk I used unorthodox words even though they shouldn't be. 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

ooof why must things take forever ;-; 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

that was suppose to be before that last post. 

 

 

Um no not really and now that I think about it I don't think I've ever done a new resolution.. Oh wait there was that one year where I wanted to get closer to God which mission accomplished. Hm idk maybe do the 365 days challenge of reading the Bible? 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

That sounds like an awesome resolution! I tried doing that once, but after a bit, I, uh, stopped. Which was not good.

 

I got to go to bed, but I'll chat later!

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

okay, goodnight Fallon. Sweet dreams ^-^ 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

oof my pov didn't go through...

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

Hate it when that happens...

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

I don't think it will go through this time either, I used "not so nice" words. 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

There was something I was going to ask you but I forgot what it was... Story of my life right there XD

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

That's me everyday, except not a question XD

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

This is just hurtful....my twin was on and she made a thread and it was a rant..she didn't say anything else but the rant which didn't even explain why she has been gone for so long...she didn't hey sorry I haven't been on in so long or post anything on our thread..is just my Seperation anxiety or should actually be hurt by this... 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

Maybe she did post something on our thread and it's just taking forever and she's going around to other threads. Yeah that's what it is mhm, has to be it...

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

Well, just know I'm here if you need me ^-^

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

I just don't know how you can be so close to someone and poof it's over for absolutly no reason you know of.... 

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

That's really true with a friend of mine I was close to a few years ago...

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"Have faith and don't ever lose hope."

that's true for about thirty people in my life...

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                KEY   

 You think that I'm okay but I'm just hiding behind a smile  

 We'll get through this 

Twice as strong 

Still alive 

 

BuT iF yOu MeAsUrE lOvE iN fAlSe SeCuRiTiEs..I oWe YoU nOtHiNg At AlL

 

#SPAT

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