The fact that people always leave my life....no one stays around...it feels like I'm stuck in a curse...ever since I was five people who I considered family leave my life..acting like they don't even know me nor want to...the cycle keeps repeating. I start to get close to the person the person stops talking to me and eventually just ignores me all together...I thought I finally found people who would stick around and I guess want me in their lives but they never come on anymore.. My friends, best friend, my twin.. They're never on.. My twin keeps saying she wants to be apart of my life and me apart of hers but I have yet seen any evidence...she said she would be on more but no. I barely see my little sister.. She's hardly ever on anymore and you know maybe just maybe everyone is crazy busy but so am I. I have something going on every day now but I still find, wait no, I make time to be here because these people mean a hek-in lot to me. I make it a priority to be here every night which makes me miss out and watching my favorite shows that almost always end up on a cliff hanger not to mention it's less time I get to spend with my mom which she works so spending time with her is precious. I can't rely on anyone anymore. They always leave. The only person other then my actual family that I live with that has stuck around is my best friend outside of here. She's been my best friend for six years because that's how long it took for her to trust me. I don't even know why I tried so hard to keep her around maybe I saw something different in her maybe it was God saying hey she needs you, I don't know. And maybe I can rely on her, maybe she's the one person I can rely on but I haven't been able to rely on people for so long that I don't know if I can nor do I want to because I'm scared that the same thing that's been happening for over ten years will happen. Maybe it's me maybe that's why people keep leaving but I don't know what I'm doing wrong or if I even am. Everyone tells me I'm a great friend but then they go and act like they don't want me in their lives. I've been bruised and broken so many times by the same thing that I'm scared. I lost my faith one year because so many people at the same time that I considered really close family acted like they didn't know me nor wanted to and I didn't know what the hek happened and why they were acting like that. I don't want that to happen again. This is probably why I have Seperation anxiety. I cried myself to sleep last night because no one was on. Me and my sisters had a code. We all would be on at the same time but they all forgot it seems. Them being on every night was giving me hope that maybe there is people you can rely on but that came crashing down. I still come on every night, maybe I'm still hoping even though every night I'm on here I'm crying because none of my sisters are on who said they would be. I'm getting colder and more and more numb every night. I've told them so many times that is very important to me that they are on every night or at least every other but they don't get it..I never told them why it's important to me maybe I should but I'm scared that it will make no difference. I've told my friends outside of here how much their friendship means to me but it makes no difference they'll just leave you in the end. It always happen, it's a never ending cycle. I don't want to get close to anyone anymore..well I do but I also don't because I'm stuck in a curse and if I get close they'll just leave. I just needed get this off my chesty even though it won't make a difference.. Also what I mean by sisters is people that I consider family that I can't refer to anything else but sister or twin. One of them is my twin sister because we're so much alike. I don't even think this will go through.
Mods please let this through ;-;