The Science!!! Of Santa Claus

 

Dashing through the snow,

At 1,600 times the speed of sound,

Through the fields we go,

Exploding all the way.

HA-HA-HA!

 

Santa Claus, I don’t think I need to explain who that is. You know, Elf-enslaver, sleigh driver, super spy, and master practitioner of breaking and entering. What old Saint Nick is probably best known for though, is his sleigh and reindeer, Dancer, Prancer, Dasher, Donner, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Rudolph, and Blitzen.

 

 I was thinking about what I’m going to be doing this Christmas, mostly hiding from my little brother, when I wondered “How fast would Santa Claus have to travel to bring presents to everybody?” And that’s the kind of pointless, stupid question I answer in my free time, instead of going outside, or socializing.

 

Right out the gate I had a problem trying to find data for the amount of people who celebrate Christmas, or a form of Christmas, did you know there are 37 different versions of Santa from all over the world? So I had to just use America, so if you live anywhere else, then you must be on the naughty list.

Now I have to lay out the parameters, or the conditions, of our little thought experiment. In North America there are 323,130,000 people (As of a census in 2016) and for the purpose of our experiment, let’s assume every single one of them believes in Santa, and is a perfect little angel (Ha-Ha.) The USA has a surface area of 3,718,948 Square miles, so if they all spread out evenly, there would be 86.8 people per square mile. That’s a lot of people (Trust me, I quadruple checked.) I assumed that Santa has a maximum of 3 hours for America, leaving 9 hours for the rest of the world. Santa and his sleigh are invulnerable, and, reindeer can fly, that one’s kinda important, but that’s all you’ll need to know for now.

 

The equation for speed is Speed = Distance/Time

 

So we put in our distance of 3,718,448 and divide it by 3 hours, which gives us… 1,239,482.6 Mph… That’s all? Don’t get me wrong, that’s nothing to sneeze at, but it’s not nearly as big as I thought it would be. That’s still 1,614.3612 * the speed of sound, but I thought I’d be getting into numbers that would break my calculator, like in The Science!!! Of The Hulk.

 

I don’t really know what to do now, I had my expectations all the way up there, so I feel kinda weird -WAIT! I forgot about Time Dilation and particle physics!

 

Time Dilation is a difference in time measured by two or more observers, due to a large gravitational force, or velocity. If I take two clocks, set at exactly the same time, and launch one into space, travelling at incredibly high speeds, and I leave the other here on Earth, then there is going to be a notable difference in their times. This happens because velocity, speed with direction, distorts and alters space and time. At the speed Santa’s traveling, time around him starts to slow, it’s not by a huge amount, only a few seconds of difference, but that’s still a few seconds into the future.

 

This doesn’t really apply here, seeing as in this experiment, Santa is invulnerable, but at the speeds Santa Claus would be reaching, the smallest grain of dust or tiny insect, would act like a bullet. This is a real danger astronauts and satellites face while in orbit, the ISS (International Space Station) travels at an average of 17,227 MPH, at these speeds a fleck of paint can pass through metal as if it were made of butter!

 

Santa is moving so fast that the air molecules in front of the sleigh don’t have time to move out of the way, and thus become trapped. This would create a vacuum behind the sleigh, and the surrounding air would rush in to fill the empty space, producing a deafening crashing noise. Forget jingle bells, you would be lucky to escape an encounter with Santa with your sense of hearing intact.

 

In front of the sleigh, the trapped air molecules are forced so close together that they undergo fusion. Nuclear fusion is what occurs when two molecules crash into each other and release huge amounts of energy, to help you visualize this, nuclear fusion is what powered the bombs at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Santa would be creating nuclear explosions wherever he went, that isn’t snow you’re shoveling out of your driveway, that’s radioactive fallout and cremated reindeer.

 

And even if you somehow manage to avoid having your face melted off by the fires hot enough to melt rock, then you’re still not safe. After The Fat man and Little boy, bombs were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, there were bodies discovered with no visible injuries, no lethal wounds. Upon testing, it was discovered that the intense… I was going to say sound, but at some point a wave of deadly pressure stops being a sound, and just starts being terrifying. Anyway, upon testing it was discovered the shockwave alone had killed them.

Christmas is NOT a time for joy and celebration, it’s a time for hiding in fallout shelters, wearing military grade earplugs, and praying that you’ll survive the night.

 

This is what I love doing in my free time: ruining your childhoods.

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Just for fun, I’m going to figure out how much Santa’s gift bag weighs. We’re only going to be using North America again, more census data and such. I’m assuming each present is 7.5lbs. As stated above, there are 323,130,000 people in the US, so we just multiply 323,130,000 by our 7.5lbs of presents and we get a gift bag weighing- 2,423,475,000lbs! That’s 274,832.7 African Elephants! Santa has to be the human equivalent of a Greek demigod!

 

I wonder how he fits that bag down the chimneys?

 

Note- Can I just say how creepy Santa Claus is? Now that I’m older (AKA more cynical), and I can think about this jolly ninja rationally, he turns out to be… Less than a savory character. Let me lay this out for you, an old man, whose identity is hidden by a heavy winter coat and beard, sneaks into your house through your chimney, places boxes full of stuff under your Christmas tree, and steals your milk and cookies. Yeah, I’ll just let that sink in for a moment. And that’s not even mentioning that Saint Nick, was originally based off the Norse god of war and death, Odin. You’re letting the god ofwar and death into your house, if you get a Seax or Hatchet this Christmas, then I told you so. (The whole ‘being a Norse god’ thing explains the 274,832.7 Elephants.)

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

(I remember doing my own research and presenting it to older classmates xD)

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God of Loyalty, Life, & Cosmos

 

We never know all the chances we lost

Until we lose them

 

~I guess it's almost time to say...

 "Sayonara"~

I think I'll just stick with the Santa from the mall visiting my house, thanks.

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grendel

(mostly inactive until the forums get moved to home base)

(plato was a great philosopher. he said that we should be kind to everyone, because everyone is fighting a difficult battle.)

Small image from ios  1  19a7f48469

Brrr-cky B : admin

I shared this post in our team chat and now we're all terrified

 

Going to shelter in the basement with a crate of candy canes for sustenance 

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Wings of Fire Book #12: The Hive Queen....it's out now!!

i like turtles

WoFMB: wingsoffire.scholastic.com/forums/topics/344922

 

SAMB: spiritanimals.scholastic.com/forums/topics/344060

 

39 Clues: doublecross.scholastic.com/forums/topics/344061

SANTA CLAUS ISN’T REAL AND HE IS PHYSICALLY IMMOSSIBLE IF HE TRAVELS THAT FAST AND ISN’T DEAF/DEAD. Wait a minute..... he’s a draugr!

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^¥Ash Spawn¥^

He/Him

 

Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

I had to write it as if he was real, because i don't know how old the forumers on here are. They could still believe in Santa Claus... Or, did. I think a dead body would be even more susceptible to nuclear explosions.

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

But they could walk away from it without a care. Not unscathed though; most likely without both legs and large chucks of them everywhere.

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Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

Nah fam it's magic.

 

But don't get me started on the toothfairy...

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Chipmonk

a queer was here

 

                       

 

 

 

Chip- Preach, my dude! Don't even think about mentioning the easter bunny...

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Don'thinof thiagoodbyethinof iaa "seyolater."

Thanks for that Brr-ky, I have a whole (I still don't know what to call it, thread? Thread.) full of SCIENCE!!! Posts, where i analize (Ruin) all types of books, movies, and TV shows, Everything from Wings of Fire, to Percy Jackson, to Spider-man. The (thread?) number is- /343725.

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

Chipmonk- The Science!!! Of the Toothfairy sounds like a paper. I'm gonna get writing that, if you don't mind?

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

My dad is the tooth fairy ;-;

 

But Santa Claus is real, at least in spirit

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grendel

(mostly inactive until the forums get moved to home base)

(plato was a great philosopher. he said that we should be kind to everyone, because everyone is fighting a difficult battle.)

*throws gluten free dairy free cupcakes, haladies, and confetti everywhere* Yay! ruining childhoods! Also is it just me who’s imagine MatPat’s voice when I was reading the whole thing...

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Marine Fangirl Nerd

 

PercyJacksonForever

Fangirl + Nerd = A Blue Banana 

# šīñgüłårįtÿ

star count: 1,822

Give up is N0T a statement

#cellosquad

Know what you should do? Ruin(s) UnderTale. Estimate how weak Sans really is. That’s bound to crush EVERYONE.

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Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

@Marine Now I can’t get it out of my head. But yes bits of it. Wait....

 

@SCIENCE!!!! Are you MatPat?

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^¥Ash Spawn¥^

He/Him

 

Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

“He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.”

 

 

Santa is a creepy pasta.

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~{Alphawolf/K-9}~

 

 

~The Forum Doggo

~ Alpha of the OFWP

~ Dino-nerd

~ The Alpha Spartan

~ CT-43782  

 

 

#WeAreODST  

 

Thought Id try shooting my way out. Mix things up a little. -John-117  

 

I am a lone wolf.

SCIENTIST!!!*

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Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

Frozen Brine- Yes?

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

I was correcting it in that post. So was that a yesterday the question?

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^¥Ash Spawn¥^

He/Him

 

Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

Frozen Brine- That would be... Hard, to say the least. There are no numbers in the game that would translate to real strength, also what would i measure the strength as? Muscle strength? No, the monsters mostly use magic. Soul strength? I'm pretty sure i saw a dude in the middle of the street yesterday, yelling about souls... And the Illuminati... Legitimate source of information.

Catink- Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Cool.

Silverpheonix- I'm honoured and very happy that you made that comparison, Matpat was really my inspiration for starting doing SCIENCE!!! comunication.

Frozen Brine (again)- No. Unfortunately I'm not Matpat. Also, refer to above sentence.

Alphawolf- *shivers* Yeah, that's Santa Claus for you. I wonder if there are any Santa Claus themed horror games?

 

Oh my gosh! I don't know if the sites lagging or something, but i'm responding to you guys, leaving for a few seconds, and finding five more that I need to adress! I am very glad that you enjoyed reading this post. I'm doing something similar on this thread, /343725, I do pretty much the same thing I did here, analize your favorite fandoms with SCIENCE!!! And usually conclude that your favorite caracters are dead, or have Super Mega Cancer.

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

I don't understandCannot Compute. There's too many conversations going on at once. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! Rebooting... No, that was not an answer to a question from yesterday, I thought you were trying to get my attention.

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

I have a late post.

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^¥Ash Spawn¥^

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Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

@marine true, but that's just a theory, a holiday thoery.

@SCIENCE!!! Santa, seems good... thats false, as you've proven, the only way he could not have every single molicule in his body go poof! Into otherspace, becose he's going through Hyperspace. There, more Santa cheer teriminated, target terminated.

 

 

"I hit something!"

 No Stormtrooper in Star Wars

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 "If  were so worried about global warming, why haven't done anything about it?" -T. Silver Smith

USA

call me Silver 

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@SCIENTIST!!!

 

Yep, he's exploding all the way. But, like, as a spirit.

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grendel

(mostly inactive until the forums get moved to home base)

(plato was a great philosopher. he said that we should be kind to everyone, because everyone is fighting a difficult battle.)

Yay! Explosions! *throws mini nuclear bombs everywhere*

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Marine Fangirl Nerd

 

PercyJacksonForever

Fangirl + Nerd = A Blue Banana 

# šīñgüłårįtÿ

star count: 1,822

Give up is N0T a statement

#cellosquad

@maine you must like fallout.

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 "If  were so worried about global warming, why haven't done anything about it?" -T. Silver Smith

USA

call me Silver 

RAVENCLAW

Dauntless

Narnian

GUN LOVER

Male

Dab Police Officer 1322

Marine can only be 50% blue banana.

Why does autocorrect hate me?

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^¥Ash Spawn¥^

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Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

Boooooooom! Bwwwwwaaahhhhhhh! krashhhhhhh!

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

Guys, he's obviosly not MatPat, he's Austin!

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(Light)Saber

Please wait, sabers siggy is under construction

I feel like this is spiraling out of control into a sudo-conspiracy!

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

@Silver Maine is a state. Not a person. STATE.

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^¥Ash Spawn¥^

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Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

@Marine: Yup. I read it like that too xD

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ғʀs  

 

ʜ ʟs  

I ʙ ʀʏʙʏ ʟs ʜʀ

ɪs ғ ʜʏ

 

 

HAIL KEVIN 

 

Yet someone in my school believes in Santa...

 

 

Wait until I drop this on her head.

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~{Alphawolf/K-9}~

 

 

~The Forum Doggo

~ Alpha of the OFWP

~ Dino-nerd

~ The Alpha Spartan

~ CT-43782  

 

 

#WeAreODST  

 

Thought Id try shooting my way out. Mix things up a little. -John-117  

 

I am a lone wolf.

That is so mean... Oh, that's the exact same thing i did. I'm so sorry!

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SCIENTIST!!!(nickname)

 

There are equal amounts of bacteria in and on your body, as there are cells in your body, meaning that you are not just your cells, you are an amalgamate of creatures that form together to create you.

he's obviously austin. i can imagine him saying "Hi, it's me, AUSTIN!!!"

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Ƒαηƚαѕу/Lιαc

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Don'thinof thiagoodbyethinof iaa "seyolater."

Oh and measure Sans’s magical strength. We already know that he’s weak physically.

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^¥Ash Spawn¥^

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Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

Wait I have something really important to say. Ahem *clears throat very loudly and takes a very long time to do it* ribbit.

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Slitherin

Forum Family: Zane, Ruby

 

What some call sands of time, I call the ashes of age.

Afterall, that’s what’ll be left behind in the end, ashes.

Hate to break it to you, but Santa Clause is real. I heard his bells when they went by my window.

 

Read this

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait for it

 

 

 

 

Okay Hate to break this to you but Santa Clause is not based off no explosions or whatever. He's baised off Saint Nick a very rich man who would go around delivering gold to poor people in Christmas EveEve who was also a Christian.

 

Old Befauna is one of his helpers. She is the Italian Santa. 

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{Jacquelyn}

The Big Rock Candy Mountain

"Princess Inferno"

"Straight"

"Animus; Thrice Moon Born; Venom; Camouflage"

"Queen Glory x Death-bringer"

"Proued Christian and friend of Seeker"

Somsay stange

Some say odd

I say child of the Living God

i agree with you, fireunicorn. one christmas eve, one of my sisters and i heard reindeer hooves on our roof. the next morning, there were hoofprints and carrot stick remains on the small dirt path right outside of our townhouse´s door

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Don'thinof thiagoodbyethinof iaa "seyolater."

Also, my parents can't write in the fancy script that our names are written in on the presents. Besides, they give us separate presents from those that Santa brings. He might be a spirit, but he's real.

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grendel

(mostly inactive until the forums get moved to home base)

(plato was a great philosopher. he said that we should be kind to everyone, because everyone is fighting a difficult battle.)

    1 ,